Thanksgiving Anxiety
I had hoped I would be able to ignore this holiday as I try to ignore most others. Without my parents to invite me to come and have a dinner with them I thought I may be able to escape the stress that is brought on by the family coming together that is mostly caused by my brother.
but here is Thanksgiving and my brother calls the day before and says he is dropping by with some kind of appetizer. I don't want to start an argument or make him feel bad so I say fine. But then this morning he calls, waking me and asks if I have a VCR. Asking why he says he wants to bring a movie and watch it. This is something we have never done. We don't have the same tastes in anything except classic rock and then not really the same groups or singers.
thanksgiving pretty much was my brother sister and parents having dinner, My brother would get angry about something, usually something my sister had said and is just in general unpleasant to be around because he has to control everything. So we had dinner and he would leave after upsetting everyone. It is not a tradition I want to continue. but he seems to want to keep it going by inviting hi8mself to my apartment cause he doesn't want me to be alone on Thanksgiving.
My brother is oblivious to what he does to my sister and me. he thinks it is us that somehow doesn't see that he only wants to do what he thinks is right for us. We can both get along without his help, thank you very much. He can't seem to see that he is forcing his own wants on us and then gets angry if we don't take them without complaint and thanks.
I do not like spending time with let alone even around my brother. He is controlling insulting and shows me no respect. For most of our lives we have done our best to not have to be around each other and when we are it usually ends with an argument. Now that our parents are gone I gues he thinks he has to take their place. The only reason I went to Thanksgiving and Christmas and other things was for them not because of any want of being around family or need to be bossed around or belittled by my brother. Why would I want him to step in and try and make me do it now.
While writing this my brother calls again and asks if I can play a movie on my computer. I tell him yes but I don't want to watch a movie. I don't have my computer set up so that people can sit around it and watch movies, I have no couch or chairs for people to use, it would not be comfortable plus I don't want to spend two hours watching a movie.
I can understand why he is trying, He wants to keep some semblance of a loving family or something. but he is doing it only for himself and does not take others feelings into consideration. We are not close and he can't make us be close after all this time, As far s I know we don't hate each other we just don't get along or share hardly any likes in common. He probably sees me as bing stubborn or not trying. I can understand that also. But I don't want to spend time with him. I can't get past all the anxiety he causes me based on the past way he has treated me. He can't even see that he has treated me wrong in the past and so he can't make amends for something he won't even admit to having done or even see that he has done.
I can understand what he may want or is trying to do but it is not what I want. I want to be left alone. We can do what we need to do but he should not expect me to be more than I can be if I don't want to be anxious and sick.
We are family. We don't have to be friends.
but here is Thanksgiving and my brother calls the day before and says he is dropping by with some kind of appetizer. I don't want to start an argument or make him feel bad so I say fine. But then this morning he calls, waking me and asks if I have a VCR. Asking why he says he wants to bring a movie and watch it. This is something we have never done. We don't have the same tastes in anything except classic rock and then not really the same groups or singers.
thanksgiving pretty much was my brother sister and parents having dinner, My brother would get angry about something, usually something my sister had said and is just in general unpleasant to be around because he has to control everything. So we had dinner and he would leave after upsetting everyone. It is not a tradition I want to continue. but he seems to want to keep it going by inviting hi8mself to my apartment cause he doesn't want me to be alone on Thanksgiving.
My brother is oblivious to what he does to my sister and me. he thinks it is us that somehow doesn't see that he only wants to do what he thinks is right for us. We can both get along without his help, thank you very much. He can't seem to see that he is forcing his own wants on us and then gets angry if we don't take them without complaint and thanks.
I do not like spending time with let alone even around my brother. He is controlling insulting and shows me no respect. For most of our lives we have done our best to not have to be around each other and when we are it usually ends with an argument. Now that our parents are gone I gues he thinks he has to take their place. The only reason I went to Thanksgiving and Christmas and other things was for them not because of any want of being around family or need to be bossed around or belittled by my brother. Why would I want him to step in and try and make me do it now.
While writing this my brother calls again and asks if I can play a movie on my computer. I tell him yes but I don't want to watch a movie. I don't have my computer set up so that people can sit around it and watch movies, I have no couch or chairs for people to use, it would not be comfortable plus I don't want to spend two hours watching a movie.
I can understand why he is trying, He wants to keep some semblance of a loving family or something. but he is doing it only for himself and does not take others feelings into consideration. We are not close and he can't make us be close after all this time, As far s I know we don't hate each other we just don't get along or share hardly any likes in common. He probably sees me as bing stubborn or not trying. I can understand that also. But I don't want to spend time with him. I can't get past all the anxiety he causes me based on the past way he has treated me. He can't even see that he has treated me wrong in the past and so he can't make amends for something he won't even admit to having done or even see that he has done.
I can understand what he may want or is trying to do but it is not what I want. I want to be left alone. We can do what we need to do but he should not expect me to be more than I can be if I don't want to be anxious and sick.
We are family. We don't have to be friends.
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