THANKSGIVING!

11-24-09:  First of all, I am back on my anti-depressant.  I don't think it helps and then when I don't take it for two days, I notice a difference. I think Thanksgiving is as hard for me as Christmas.  As I told a friend of mine, Scotty used to pick turkey off the bird before it was carved...I would playfully slap his hand and then pick a piece off for myself.  I make Gooey Butter Cake the day before.   When I got up in the morning, one piece was gone...you guessed it.  And, when he was younger, I used to make fudge.  He would be at his grandparents home (adjoining farms) and run across the field (1/3 mile) for a piece of fudge and a glass of milk.  Then, he would run back to their house.  These were things only Scott ever did.  I miss him so much. Losing so many others, recently, brought back so many memories.  It was like picking at a scab only to have a fresh wound.  I HATE funeral homes.  I hate the visitation, service, etc.  Although none affect me like Scott, they do make me think.  Mostly, I don't like to think.  I feel numb at these events.  I don't really cry.  I think others think me cold. (I don't care)  But, it is not that I am not sad of their passing, I am. It is just that it makes me think of Scott's passing and service.  That is never a nice thing!  I really want to remember Scott and feel joy in my memories.  For now, the memories just make me sad.  Oh, I am so blessed to have them.  I know that.  But, I know the memories are all I have, now.  I want him here!  I also know there are many who feel the same way.  There are many who have lost their only child or more than one.  I can't EVEN imagine!  But, the knowing does not help my ache.  I think if I had a dozen children and lost one, I would feel the same way. Anyway, the holidays are upon us.  I keep telling myself "One breath at a time."  I have said that to so many.  Now, if I can remember to take my own advice!  The journey continues!  

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Big hugs to you my sweet friend. Charlotte. xox
deleted_user
deleted_user

One day at a time one hour at a time.. be good to yourself my friend... love to you..
deleted_user
deleted_user

Getting through the Holiday\'s is tough. You think we can never do it, but with help, we can.
Hugs to you, Barbara
deleted_user
deleted_user

my heart breaks for you as well as for all of us ds moms. this is not right, nor good. i am going to my sister\'s house and am dreading it in a big way. sometimes i feel i put a damper on things. i try to be upbeat, but the dark hole is always there. i smiled at your thoughts of your son snitching the turkey and loving the fudge...........God bless you, love, donna
RememberKala
RememberKala

I\'m back on my meds too. Thought I was ready, but after not taking them I realize just how benefical they have been. Thanksgiving is Kala\'s favorite meal. Often throughout the year she\'d ask, \"Mom, will cook Thanksgiving for dinner tonight\"....it was so cute. I miss her cuteness so much. Yes, the journey continues, one breath at a time. Love and hugs, Teri.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Yes just what munrogirl said. \"One Day At A Time\". Memories are all we have left and I hope that you will have as good a holiday as you can my friend...Hugs, Connie
deleted_user
deleted_user

i am not going to give you advice...I can\'t...what you say is so true....I find myself sad at the memories...I wish I could find comfort in them but instead they make me so very sad. I hope one day we can embrace those memories like the hugs we so desperately miss. God be with you on the day of Thanksgiving. I am so thankful I have been chosen to be my Brandon\'s mom as I know you are for being chosen to be Scott\'s. What a noble and wonderful calling...for that I am thankful.....Love, Dale ...Brandon\'s Mom
drap
drap

I\'m so sorry for your pain.Your son wouldn\'t want you to be sad.I know it\'s gotta be very difficult for you.Please know we are all thinking of you !
hugs oxoxoxoxo
KimRW
KimRW

Ginger, I wish I had some advice to make you feel better, but I don\'t. I feel the same as you....I will just wish you some peace and will keep you in my prayers as we go thru the holidays. Scott reminds me a lot of my Chris....always sneaking in the steal the first piece of turkey !!! And loving getting scolded for it !! We will always miss them, but these special days just seem so empty. Thinking of you.....Love, Kim
BinkyH
BinkyH

Ginger, It truly is one day at a time, just getting through the day, the holiday, the birthday etc. I have chosen to ignore Thanksgiving and stay home alone since I cannot be with either of my sons. One is dead and the other is in Florida. I live with my mom and she will be going to my half-sister\'s house for the meal. I was invited but I really prefer to just stay home and not celebrate what was my son\'s favorite holiday. I think he loved eating more than anything! Peace be with you, my friend. Love, Belinda
Robin4
Robin4

I love those memories of Scott with the turkey, cake and fudge. Our memories cannot be taken away and that is something to be thankful. May your family have a peaceful and gentle holiday filled with smiles. Love to you. Robin
biowoman
biowoman

It continues to be hard...but today will come and go...as will the other holidays. I am trying to enjoy whatever I can...love to you...Karen
joeymom
joeymom

Hugging you tight. Yes, one breath & one day at a time for us. Love, U
deleted_user
deleted_user

The memories.....ah, the memories. They\'re all we have left now. They bring such sweet feelings and such sadness all at once. The holidays are so hard for us now. The zest has gone out of them now. My thoughts are w/ you dear friend. We must go on one breath at a time just as you said. Love and hugs, Cyn
deleted_user
deleted_user

One breathe at a time, now that makes sense to me. The memories are what keep us going. Do what you can Love and hugs Cathy