Thanks everyone for helping me sort out my relationship with Dave.
Thanks everyone for helping me sort out my relationship with Dave. He is such a kind, caring, sharing and giving person but his major weakness is a huge one. He is an alcoholic who drinks and drives. At home, when he has had too much he just passes out. He is not mean nor abusive in any sense of the word. Dave has huge low self-esteem issues and women issues that stem from his own mom. It makes it hard for me since Dave is so kind and giving person. I feel so mixed up at the moment. I haven't pushed the barriers with Dave to see where he stands in all of this. I am afraid of opening that envelope. Once we talk about our relationship, neither of us can go back. What do I really want? If Dave was not an alcoholic in the first place, he would be a good catch. There are things Dave does not do that I would like:
1. Explore my own area of Vancouver, Abbotsford, etc. as Dave does not venture out of Richmond.
2. Go out to eat on occasion - not every day maybe on the weekends. Dave does not do this but does treat me out for brunch on Saturdays. Dave doesn't mind treating me for brunch or lunch. He doesn't eat out himself.
3. Do things: like go see a movie, go for a walk, go for a car ride, play board games, go visit with friends for a social evening, etc. - Dave's idea of going out is to one of 2 bars, my place, his place or Safeway.
You see this routine with Dave can get stale pretty quickly. He is a decent man but doesn't do too much other than drink, gamble on Keno on occasion and watch Sports on TV and movies on TV.
We are not a 100% match that is for sure. I can see it. Dave is a companion for me. He is someone in my life. He is not a forever kind of relationship that you take home to your parents, if mine were alive which they are not. I know this. It could be the loneliness factor. If I break up with Dave then I am back to square one without anyone in my life. Is it worth it? For now the answer is yes. I probably would miss Dave if he were not in my life. I can say anything I want but if I broke up with Dave I would hurt inside. It would hurt Dave a lot as his long time girlfriend left him. I have to be very careful with this. This is the major issue about breaking up with Dave. I have to be one hundred percent certain before changes can happen in our relationship. I am not there yet. I am not ready to ask Dave where we stand either. I don't want to hear it.
I am selfish I think regarding the whole thing with Dave. Maybe I am a bit mixed up myself. I feel like I am running around the hamster cage without the possibility of the door opening up to free me. I feel like I am going crazy. I just don't know. In the end, I just don't know. There is a yin and yang in this relationship. What I want and what is happening are two different things. I would like to find someone similar to me and someone that has a a lot of things in common with me. I have not found any one like that at all. Is there anyone like that for me? I keep my eyes open but have not seen anyone like that at all. Does a man like that exist for me? I have to wonder about it all. I don't think so.
I hope you don't mind this journal venting. It has been bothering so much that I am finally venting it all out in this journal entry. I must be crazy as I am so mixed up at the moment. If I was in my twenties things would have been so much easier as I could bounce around no problem. I just turned 56 and things are no so simple anymore. This is my last time doing all this and I want to get it right.
Mixed up and confused from Diane B.
1. Explore my own area of Vancouver, Abbotsford, etc. as Dave does not venture out of Richmond.
2. Go out to eat on occasion - not every day maybe on the weekends. Dave does not do this but does treat me out for brunch on Saturdays. Dave doesn't mind treating me for brunch or lunch. He doesn't eat out himself.
3. Do things: like go see a movie, go for a walk, go for a car ride, play board games, go visit with friends for a social evening, etc. - Dave's idea of going out is to one of 2 bars, my place, his place or Safeway.
You see this routine with Dave can get stale pretty quickly. He is a decent man but doesn't do too much other than drink, gamble on Keno on occasion and watch Sports on TV and movies on TV.
We are not a 100% match that is for sure. I can see it. Dave is a companion for me. He is someone in my life. He is not a forever kind of relationship that you take home to your parents, if mine were alive which they are not. I know this. It could be the loneliness factor. If I break up with Dave then I am back to square one without anyone in my life. Is it worth it? For now the answer is yes. I probably would miss Dave if he were not in my life. I can say anything I want but if I broke up with Dave I would hurt inside. It would hurt Dave a lot as his long time girlfriend left him. I have to be very careful with this. This is the major issue about breaking up with Dave. I have to be one hundred percent certain before changes can happen in our relationship. I am not there yet. I am not ready to ask Dave where we stand either. I don't want to hear it.
I am selfish I think regarding the whole thing with Dave. Maybe I am a bit mixed up myself. I feel like I am running around the hamster cage without the possibility of the door opening up to free me. I feel like I am going crazy. I just don't know. In the end, I just don't know. There is a yin and yang in this relationship. What I want and what is happening are two different things. I would like to find someone similar to me and someone that has a a lot of things in common with me. I have not found any one like that at all. Is there anyone like that for me? I keep my eyes open but have not seen anyone like that at all. Does a man like that exist for me? I have to wonder about it all. I don't think so.
I hope you don't mind this journal venting. It has been bothering so much that I am finally venting it all out in this journal entry. I must be crazy as I am so mixed up at the moment. If I was in my twenties things would have been so much easier as I could bounce around no problem. I just turned 56 and things are no so simple anymore. This is my last time doing all this and I want to get it right.
Mixed up and confused from Diane B.
Replies