thankful and scared
hi girls. I am thankful. so thankful. so so so thankful. but I am so scared, every minute of every day. I am sleeping, eating, functioning, laughing.....you would never know it by looking at me or talking to me. my heart rate isn't out of control, I am actually rather calm, but my tummy is nervous as all hell and (TMI) I have to go to the bathroom at least once or twice a day (OPPOSITE of constipation).
I want to connect to this baby, I want to connect to being pregnant, but I can't. I did so from the first second the last time around and it ended so devestatingly horrific. I didn't think I'd recover. so I guess I am trying to protect myself this time around.
I am SURE this sounds so ungrateful and those who are yet to get their BFPs are probably like, "seriously, you are such an a$$hole." and I am sorry. i don't mean to be. I am just terrfied. every time I start to get excited, and think of things like when my 1st trimester will be over or what my due date is or what size of a fruit my baby is now, I get paralized with fear and I resolve to just be detached and vague for now....until when, I don't know.
can anyone else rate?
I want to connect to this baby, I want to connect to being pregnant, but I can't. I did so from the first second the last time around and it ended so devestatingly horrific. I didn't think I'd recover. so I guess I am trying to protect myself this time around.
I am SURE this sounds so ungrateful and those who are yet to get their BFPs are probably like, "seriously, you are such an a$$hole." and I am sorry. i don't mean to be. I am just terrfied. every time I start to get excited, and think of things like when my 1st trimester will be over or what my due date is or what size of a fruit my baby is now, I get paralized with fear and I resolve to just be detached and vague for now....until when, I don't know.
can anyone else rate?
Replies
I feel so lucky to have you girls to talk to, who really understand - and are HONEST about it. thank you so much
When I was going through IVF I understood people being worried but thought I wished I could be in there position......now I am in their position I truly get it, it is paralysing. The worst thing is not being able to convey it to anyone, they all think your being irrational. You are not!!! I have found this harder than infertility but if im gonna get to the end goal post we have to get through this with hope and the knowledge there is very little we can do to influence the outcome other than get through each day. Each night I do a little happy dance that I got through another day!!
Thinking of you, never feel bad for communicating with us all......we all get it!!!
Nedico, you are so right!