Thank God Thanksgiving Day is over ! - A Very Mixed Day
I am so very glad that Thanksgiving Day is over. While I do love my family, still it's really too hectic when all of my family gathers under one roof. It's traditionally done at my parents' house. This year wasn't any different. At least it's a 2 bedroom / 2 bath house, that's very roomy. Yet you've got to realize that there were 6 adults and 1 child at first, then later on in the day it became 8 adults and 2 young children. That's too many in one place in my opinion, especially when the 2 young children are extremely hyperactive, and very loud ! Plus my Mom's Parkinson's disease complicates matters, since she gets very nervous and upset when the young children are misbehaving and running around like wild animals. I made several attempts to get the children to behave, but they didn't even seem to hear me. At the very least they definitely didn't pay any attention to me at all. Finally they listened to one of my sisters when she had to almost yell at them over the noise. Understand though, she didn't actually " yell ", it only seemed like that since she had to speak very loudly over the drone of everyone carrying on different conversations at once. Plus you have to add to all of this that my Dad is hard of hearing, so he had the television volume turned up quite loud in the nearby den.
I tried to stay calm, and not let the " buzz " of all of the activity get on my nerves. I was successful to a large extent, but still I ended up with a pounding headache. I've never liked " crowds " of any type, not even family members. I prefer much smaller gatherings that are a lot quieter. That's simply how I've always been. Like I said earlier it's not that I don't love my family. It's only that I don't like the feeling of " being under a microscope " when I'm around the family members that I typically only see once or twice a year. When I do see those family members during the holidays I can feel their eyes judging me, and being critical of every part of me - everything that makes me who I am. Am I being paranoid ? It may sound like that, but I reassure you that it's really not. You'd understand especially if you heard the way that one of my sisters talked to me at the dinning room table today. She has a way of always talking down to me. She constantly talks to me as if she never does anything wrong, but I on the other hand do " everything " wrong. She doesn't even seem to have a sense of humor, or any amount of imagination at all. The reason I say this is because when she was passing out the dessert I made one innocent comment about the piece of pie that she prepared for my great nephew. She had spooned out some Cool Whip topping onto the piece of pie, and I mentioned that the Cool Whip form looked either like a bow, or a pair of wings. It was obvious to me, but apparently she didn't see it at all because she looked at me as if she thought I was completely insane for mentioning it. It may sound like I'm being too sensitive but you have to realize that there is history of disparaging looks, critical and demeaning comments, that she has continually spewed out at me for a very long time. This sister is one of my key reasons why I do not like family gatherings. I couldn't " beg out of it " though, for the sake of my Mom. With her Parkinson's disease, she would have been very upset if I hadn't come to her house for Thanksgiving Day. I could never hurt her like that. I would have never hurt her like that in the past, and now with her condition there's definitely no way I'd ever do anything intentional that would hurt her feelings.
Unfortunately, even though I know a big part of my Mom wanted all of our family to gather at her house, it definitely backfired. Any sort of stress makes her Parkinson's symptoms act up even worse than they already do, and being in the middle of all of the noise and bustle of activity was just too much stress for her. I wish that it wasn't so, but sadly I saw today the my Mom's Parkinson's disease has progressed very much over just this past year. I hate it so much that it's progressing so fast. She takes medications, but I suppose the medications really do nothing to slow the progress of the disease. From the little I know about the medications I think that they are only for managing the symptoms as much as possible, and even that doesn't seem to be helping as much as it did when she was first diagnosed with the disease.
I pray for my Mom, and for my Dad, every day. I pray for my Mom because she needs help dealing with her symptoms, and coping the best that she can every day and night with her limitations. I pray for my Dad that he can stay strong, patient, understanding, compassionate, and always loving with Mom, and not let the daily and nightly frustrations of taking care of Mom get the best of him.
I wish there was a " support group " that my Dad could join to talk to someone about the challenges, frustrations, and most likely fears he must have, constantly as far as taking care of Mom. He's such a proud man though, so I'm not sure if he would join a support group even if I knew of one that I could recommend to him. Every chance I get I try to talk to him about his challenges and frustrations, but he holds the majority of it inside, and is always very reluctant to say much at all about his feelings.
Well it's after 2 am right now so I really should go try to get some sleep. It's been a very long, and very tiring busy day for me today. I'm hoping that as exhausted as I am right now that I'll sleep very well, even though my knees have been " killing me " today !
Wish me luck ! Goodnight.
I tried to stay calm, and not let the " buzz " of all of the activity get on my nerves. I was successful to a large extent, but still I ended up with a pounding headache. I've never liked " crowds " of any type, not even family members. I prefer much smaller gatherings that are a lot quieter. That's simply how I've always been. Like I said earlier it's not that I don't love my family. It's only that I don't like the feeling of " being under a microscope " when I'm around the family members that I typically only see once or twice a year. When I do see those family members during the holidays I can feel their eyes judging me, and being critical of every part of me - everything that makes me who I am. Am I being paranoid ? It may sound like that, but I reassure you that it's really not. You'd understand especially if you heard the way that one of my sisters talked to me at the dinning room table today. She has a way of always talking down to me. She constantly talks to me as if she never does anything wrong, but I on the other hand do " everything " wrong. She doesn't even seem to have a sense of humor, or any amount of imagination at all. The reason I say this is because when she was passing out the dessert I made one innocent comment about the piece of pie that she prepared for my great nephew. She had spooned out some Cool Whip topping onto the piece of pie, and I mentioned that the Cool Whip form looked either like a bow, or a pair of wings. It was obvious to me, but apparently she didn't see it at all because she looked at me as if she thought I was completely insane for mentioning it. It may sound like I'm being too sensitive but you have to realize that there is history of disparaging looks, critical and demeaning comments, that she has continually spewed out at me for a very long time. This sister is one of my key reasons why I do not like family gatherings. I couldn't " beg out of it " though, for the sake of my Mom. With her Parkinson's disease, she would have been very upset if I hadn't come to her house for Thanksgiving Day. I could never hurt her like that. I would have never hurt her like that in the past, and now with her condition there's definitely no way I'd ever do anything intentional that would hurt her feelings.
Unfortunately, even though I know a big part of my Mom wanted all of our family to gather at her house, it definitely backfired. Any sort of stress makes her Parkinson's symptoms act up even worse than they already do, and being in the middle of all of the noise and bustle of activity was just too much stress for her. I wish that it wasn't so, but sadly I saw today the my Mom's Parkinson's disease has progressed very much over just this past year. I hate it so much that it's progressing so fast. She takes medications, but I suppose the medications really do nothing to slow the progress of the disease. From the little I know about the medications I think that they are only for managing the symptoms as much as possible, and even that doesn't seem to be helping as much as it did when she was first diagnosed with the disease.
I pray for my Mom, and for my Dad, every day. I pray for my Mom because she needs help dealing with her symptoms, and coping the best that she can every day and night with her limitations. I pray for my Dad that he can stay strong, patient, understanding, compassionate, and always loving with Mom, and not let the daily and nightly frustrations of taking care of Mom get the best of him.
I wish there was a " support group " that my Dad could join to talk to someone about the challenges, frustrations, and most likely fears he must have, constantly as far as taking care of Mom. He's such a proud man though, so I'm not sure if he would join a support group even if I knew of one that I could recommend to him. Every chance I get I try to talk to him about his challenges and frustrations, but he holds the majority of it inside, and is always very reluctant to say much at all about his feelings.
Well it's after 2 am right now so I really should go try to get some sleep. It's been a very long, and very tiring busy day for me today. I'm hoping that as exhausted as I am right now that I'll sleep very well, even though my knees have been " killing me " today !
Wish me luck ! Goodnight.
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