Thank you.

Thank you Gwen! Psycho-therapy (which I can't afford) is in depth, and it's purpose is to release the unconscious contents of the patient. It's taken me a long time to express my feelings, and 'analyze' them. My answer to your question yesterday I answered in a long dissertation, but there were some things that I didn't get to say because I thought about them later. I can see now a repetition of an aid that I've used successfully before to break some of my addictions: ANGER. It's how I stopped chewing tobacco, and drinking alcohol. My angry tone in my answer yesterday helps me admit how I really feel without editing it for anyone else. Thanks for pissing me off with your question, it allowed me to say what I really wanted to say, even if it was slighly inacurate. So here is an annotation to that outburst, how I feel the history of who I am plays out. Look at my Avatar, that cute little 5 year old. What a handsome cutie! However, there is a 'problem' with this attractive little boy. He is shy. He is shy by nature. Extremely sensitive to potential threats, both physical and emotional. It has been observed that extraverted mothers prefer extraverted sons, it may also be introverted mothers, but the association is there. Sensitive sons are not what women want, they want future MEN, in the man-ly sense, who can protect and defend according to society's and the culture's needs and expectations. This observation is not 100% inclusive, or absolute, but it is notable in the behavior of mothers; it's also natural for them. They too see how shy people are treated in society and do not want their 'pride and joy' to be like that. Perhaps it's even a reflection upon the ego of the mother. Like attracts like. When an extraverted, over-bearing, forceful mother has a shy son, then she immediately believes something is wrong with the child and that the shyness needs to be 'corrected', it's a flaw, it's something she doesn't want. The shyness is rejected. How could she, the Great Extravert, have a shy, introverted child? Something is wrong! The baby is supposed to be like her. There's been some error! She must do something to correct this 'problem' that she percieves. At least that's how I presume it works. You ask who, besides me, is asking me to change. Almost everyone. Not directly, no one comes up and says "Why don't you change?" There's nothing that obvious, it's implied. The fact that I don't want to socialize until I feel safe about my environment is viewed as 'stand-offish. I am more extraverted here on DS because I feel safe with my short list of friends, who I know and trust to not attack or belittle my feelings. You have to admit, I have some strange feelings; and they can disturb some people who are not as accepting. That's why I don't often engage in the discussion groups. It seems my depth of thought has some details in processing my conclusions that I leave out for the sake of brevity. I tend to skip over some needed principles in order to say what I want to say. Or something like that. Details are important to 'shy' people, and HSP's. We look for threats everywhere until we're reasonably certain of safety, at least for our concept of safety. So here's the deal, based on the background above (true and accurate, or not), from my recollection and feelings. When you are young and 'shy' (apprehensive), the first thing you are told is "Don't be SHY". In other words, don't be who you are, be something else. "Who you naturally are isn't good"; "It's a bad thing to be SHY". "WE need to correct this", "you'll get over it eventually". "Don't feel afraid, or be shy!" (which is similar to saying "Don't trust your feelings, trust someone else's". "Your feelings aren't accurate, there's something 'wrong' with them; you're not feeing things the way the rest of US are feeling them.")  "You're different, and that's BAD!" It's a bad thing to be different. Those seem to be the things I heard about myself growing up. That there was something wrong with me, I wasn't like the 'others', and that's bad. I am (my feelings) the cause of hurting other's feelings. I have a direct effect/affect on other people's feelings and I need to be careful to stop doing that. I need to watch everything I do so I do not trouble other's feelings. Who I am bothers other people. I'm not supposed to be me, I'm suppose to be someone else. There's a fatal flaw in me. I'm a bother, and need to be corrected. And, to be quite honest, it turns out it is true. My quite introspective self does bother other people, the most of which are not quiet and introspective. They tend to be involved in the superficialities of life, I'm not. Many people, especially the 'herding', social, extraverts, by their nature cannot handle differentness or anomolies. By their nature they prefer the sameness of their tribal similarities for safety. Strangness disturbs them as much as it does shy people; the difference being that shy people are typically not psychosocial, they're independent; in thought and action. They're not 'joiners', they have a preference for their own thoughts and their own self. It is only narcissistic when compared to the dominant culture and the majority. In a culture of introverts, an extravert would be considered an outcast, an ADHD type, that needs to sit down, be quite, and not engage with everyone or anyone unless there's something important to say or learn. So that's the LONG answer. I am different by nature an chastized for it. I'm considered odd by culture I live in and have yet to find a place that I can florish in at being myself (if such a place actually exists). Thanks for bringing this out in me. I've ben wanting to say it for a long long time. Hugs to all, Rich