Testimony

Well my anxiety has kicked in lately. Such an evil thing anxiety is. The preacher at my church challenged us to share our testimonies. I imediately knew I was not going to do that. I am shy and that is just way out of my comfort zone. Not to mention I dont know how exactly to put it into words. So this is my atempt to share. After watching everyone elses testimonies I starting getting anxious. My testimony is not like everyone elses so imediatly I got to thinking, does that mean I am not saved?? I have gone through this thought several times of being unsure. It is a horrible feeling as it is the most important thing in life. But deep down I keep having to remind myself I am saved. I have always struggled with not feeling I was "good" enough. In reality though none of us are good enough. After all that is why God sent his son to die on the cross for our sins. Salvation is not something we can "earn". That would be taking away from what Jesus did. Don't get me wrong. I dont think that means you can go out and sin with no remorse and still be a Christian. We all do and we always will sin. It is in our nature. But the thing is we shouldn't WANT to as Christians. As a Christian you should feel guilt when you sin and want to repent of those sins. This is all things I know and I believe but it never fails that anxiety will creep in and leave me with a pit in my stomach that is like but what if? It's horrible. I've always felt that since I don't have that specific day I know I was saved, or that aha moment of oh I am turning my life around then how can I be saved? I walked the isle and got baptized at a yound age. Probably around 2nd grade. I don't remember alot about it. I am not sure I understood exactly what living for Christ was. Countless times since then I have prayed for Jesus to come into my heart. About a year ago I went through this whole anxiety thing again doubting my salvation and got baptized again (I know being baptized doesn't save you). My struggle that always comes up with my anxiety is well which one of those times was I actually saved?? I can't tell you that, and that bothers me. I was raised in church so for as long as I can remember I have always had a love of the Lord. I have always taken comfort in him. I have always tried to live a Christian life (failing miserably at times). Anyway, I am not sure if any of that made sense I just needed to get it out.