Terrible Week
I haven't kept up with working on my lying recently. Things had gotten way better for me, but I told a stupid stupid little lie that has sent my marriage in a downward spiral. The past couple of months have been up and down anyways because we are pregnant with our first child. We both couldn't be more excited to be parents, but since this is our first, we have gone from happy to nervous to happy to nervous and back to happy again on a daily basis.
Throughout this time my wife has been dealing with being sick from the pregnancy and I've been doing everything that I can to help out. I try to not let her do any laundry, dishes, cleaning, or cooking dinner as much as I can. Everything was going really well until I started to feel burned out. I let myself fall backwards because of this and it was my fault entirely.
I now know that stress can be a trigger for my lying. I have done a decent job not avoiding confrontation with most things, but this is something new for me. Not taking care of myself and allowing the stress to consume me caused me to fall backwards into a stupid stupid lie.
Here's the lie...
Generally, I am up later than my wife, so when I go to bed, I have been trying more and more to not turn on the TV. There are nights when she can't sleep, and for good reason since she's carrying our child! I've been trying to tire my eyes out on my phone either reading, looking at Facebook, or checking sports news. Well, there is a group on Facebook called "men's humor". They usually post funny memes, pictures, videos, etc that are geared towards men's humor. This particular link was funny pictures of people at the club. Of course, the main picture was a girl dressed provacatively in order to draw you in. So, my wife suspecting that I was doing something wrong shot up next to me (I guess she was awake) and as she did I closed the app and opened another. This was wrong of me to do and she called me out on it. I did tell her what I did and that I know she doesn't like me looking at pictures like that. I knew I shouldn't have done it. I let myself believe that I didn't want her to get mad at me for looking at a half naked girl on a joke website, so I should hide it from her.
This lie has pretty much turned our home life into a mess. I can tell she's furious with me because she's been finding reasons to get mad at me the past couple of days (things that she normally doesn't care about). I mean, I deserve it since I definitely shouldn't have lied. I need to make sure that I keep up with this journal every day to ensure that I don't let myself slip into this downward spiral again.
I am hoping that the next few days will bring good days to our marriage. I love her more than anything in the world and I would do anything for her and our future child. This is something that I NEED to stick with this time and not let this whole thing fall apart.
Throughout this time my wife has been dealing with being sick from the pregnancy and I've been doing everything that I can to help out. I try to not let her do any laundry, dishes, cleaning, or cooking dinner as much as I can. Everything was going really well until I started to feel burned out. I let myself fall backwards because of this and it was my fault entirely.
I now know that stress can be a trigger for my lying. I have done a decent job not avoiding confrontation with most things, but this is something new for me. Not taking care of myself and allowing the stress to consume me caused me to fall backwards into a stupid stupid lie.
Here's the lie...
Generally, I am up later than my wife, so when I go to bed, I have been trying more and more to not turn on the TV. There are nights when she can't sleep, and for good reason since she's carrying our child! I've been trying to tire my eyes out on my phone either reading, looking at Facebook, or checking sports news. Well, there is a group on Facebook called "men's humor". They usually post funny memes, pictures, videos, etc that are geared towards men's humor. This particular link was funny pictures of people at the club. Of course, the main picture was a girl dressed provacatively in order to draw you in. So, my wife suspecting that I was doing something wrong shot up next to me (I guess she was awake) and as she did I closed the app and opened another. This was wrong of me to do and she called me out on it. I did tell her what I did and that I know she doesn't like me looking at pictures like that. I knew I shouldn't have done it. I let myself believe that I didn't want her to get mad at me for looking at a half naked girl on a joke website, so I should hide it from her.
This lie has pretty much turned our home life into a mess. I can tell she's furious with me because she's been finding reasons to get mad at me the past couple of days (things that she normally doesn't care about). I mean, I deserve it since I definitely shouldn't have lied. I need to make sure that I keep up with this journal every day to ensure that I don't let myself slip into this downward spiral again.
I am hoping that the next few days will bring good days to our marriage. I love her more than anything in the world and I would do anything for her and our future child. This is something that I NEED to stick with this time and not let this whole thing fall apart.
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