team work
I wrote my friends and family yesterday the following notes:
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I'm home from work and very very tired. I wish I had the energy to be down at chapel with my life mates here at the monastery. but it's better to just sit with my fatigue - do what I absolutely just want to do - and be near Blue as he is my ONE BIG RESPONSIBILITY. I am getting older and work is getting harder - suffering from mental health challenges and trying to live a full life is grinding me down - sorry for going over board. I will follow my online friend’s lead to just do what feels right - and try and heal from today's huge workload that all got done! :)
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and then I thought about my Dad's comments to me:
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Dad, your words of ‘making the best decision for yourself’ are resonating. I believe I am and I must keep the faith that I am carrying myself in the right or the good direction for myself. I start work now. I don’t always have a calm center to keep clear about my direction in life. But I’m starting to see the ideal of being able to do just that. Thanks
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It gave me a sense of awareness - and I started to realize
that indeed I do kind of having a swirling vortex within
that I am learning wih the hard work I do with my therapist
as how to think about it - in essence think of the ideal of
keeping a calm center to make good decisions for myself
the ideal - rather than just react.
I also wrote the following - and I think what it means is
that wherever I go there will be a different sense of
team - and it is giving me a sense of at ease for dealing
with each situation I come into. I'll preface this note
below with the fact that work was very hard last night:
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I’m really proud of the fact that I got all my work done and it makes me sense that I can grow into what the job would be, but I don’t think it’s healthy for me. I grew into the job in Malibu and that sense of being a part of a team is and would be different than being a part of the work team here. I realized that. Doing the hard work yields satisfaction but in a different way in a different location but it’s still a sense of accomplishment just in a different way. I’m glad I’m moving to a different department. I don’t think it would be healthy to constantly live with someone who doesn’t appreciate my work, though imperfect work but still the vast majority good and well done.
Replies
I'm so glad that you have friends and family to support you. I hope things are easier today. Keep us posted about your new position!
Thanks Susan!! Good blessings and strength to you too! !!