Tata Timmi
Well, I guess all those tears about having to choose wether my cat lives or dies were in vain. He made the choice himself. He died tonight. At the vets office, hooked up to IV's that were trying to get nutrients and liquids in him. I sort of wish I had just taken him home so he could of passed away in a place he knew, with people who loved him. But I was selfishly trying to save him one last time.
He was so jaundice that the whites of his eyes were yellow, his gums and tongue were yellow. He was so skinny you could count the knobs on his spine, and his sides were swollen because the infection in his liver was spreading. The vet said that his heart was what actually gave out, not his liver. He just couldn't battle it anymore. I feel guilty, the vet said he was in no pain and didn't suffer, but really, he was starving and thirsting to death. How can that not count as suffering? It's a form of torture in some countries!!!
So tomorrow I go settle up with the bill(something else to cry about) and make my choice with what to do with his body. All my other pets I have just let them be mass cremated and then the local practice is to take the ashes of all the deceased animals for a time period and spread them at the animal graveyard. But I am actually considering keeping his ashes. Creepy, no? I doubt, in the end, I will keep any of him. After all, it's not my cat anymore, it's just a flesh bag of bones. My cat's gone.
I'm having a hard time dealing because I know it's real, but it just doesn't seem real...if that makes sense. It feels like I will walk into the bedroom tonight and see him waiting for me on my pillow. I'm almost scared to go to bed and see he's not there. And I feel like he should be jumping up on my lap any second now to look for nightly pets.
And what really hurts....we were out and about and I was stressed. Suddenly, I felt calm and it was like that moments feeling of tranquility you get when you know everything is going to be all right. And I wasn't sad, for just a moment, I wasn't sad. And then the vet called to tell me five minutes prior to his call my cat had given up his battle. Everything was going to be all right. Ya...sure.
He was so jaundice that the whites of his eyes were yellow, his gums and tongue were yellow. He was so skinny you could count the knobs on his spine, and his sides were swollen because the infection in his liver was spreading. The vet said that his heart was what actually gave out, not his liver. He just couldn't battle it anymore. I feel guilty, the vet said he was in no pain and didn't suffer, but really, he was starving and thirsting to death. How can that not count as suffering? It's a form of torture in some countries!!!
So tomorrow I go settle up with the bill(something else to cry about) and make my choice with what to do with his body. All my other pets I have just let them be mass cremated and then the local practice is to take the ashes of all the deceased animals for a time period and spread them at the animal graveyard. But I am actually considering keeping his ashes. Creepy, no? I doubt, in the end, I will keep any of him. After all, it's not my cat anymore, it's just a flesh bag of bones. My cat's gone.
I'm having a hard time dealing because I know it's real, but it just doesn't seem real...if that makes sense. It feels like I will walk into the bedroom tonight and see him waiting for me on my pillow. I'm almost scared to go to bed and see he's not there. And I feel like he should be jumping up on my lap any second now to look for nightly pets.
And what really hurts....we were out and about and I was stressed. Suddenly, I felt calm and it was like that moments feeling of tranquility you get when you know everything is going to be all right. And I wasn't sad, for just a moment, I wasn't sad. And then the vet called to tell me five minutes prior to his call my cat had given up his battle. Everything was going to be all right. Ya...sure.
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