taking steps

so the penny has dropped my partner is never going to put me first its always going to be her aunt,sisters,mum and cousins etc. even when i most need her as soon im due in court and after that been warned i could basically be in danger she very begrudly agreed to stay at home with me instead of spending yet more time with her family.you see her family are on holiday that week the friday to the friday but from the tuesday thats when im in court so all i said was she had to stay at home thye rest of that week so shes getting 4 days with her family beforehand. but what i really expected and wanted was herb to say "of course i will stay at home with you thats goes without saying" not her she was angry i had said it. so basically her family is so important to her they come before my safety . 

its so ridicolous the way she puts her family before me everytime,yet her sister said it was ridicolous that my partner had said she was concentrating on me this year !!!!!!!! yes my partner had agreed to put me first after i told her in january i wasnt putting up with being put second everytime and not once has she put me first. but what i didnt know she didnt want to do this willingly and now i realise she only agreed because she knew i was going to finish theb relationship if she didnt. she had a choice if she didnt want to put me first she could had took the choice of our relationship ending.i had explained i couldnt take anymore hurt of being put second. but the first chance she gets to prove she can put me first i get all this hassle from her and her interfering family . i'm letting this time go but anymore of her selfish behaviour and shes out . i mean what is she putting into our relationship,loyalty ...no trust.....no so thats two important foundation stones not given. how can i trust her when she agrees to put me first but at the first oppertunity to actual prove this i get "butlins doesn't count" at no point during our agreement did she mention butlins did not count. she made me a promise but thinks nothing of me to break that promise. i remember just last year her niece had asked her to go to a comic con.it was on for the weekend. my partner told her she would go with her on the sunday. but meanwhile a friend tells me he is putting on a classic car show on ,on the same sunday i really wanted to go it was for a good charity. and its not much fun going on my own .so i asked my partner no she said she was going to this comic con with her niece. but then on ther saturday night i see her niece had been to this comic con on the saturday it was on her facebook.great i think shes been no need for my partner to go now. how wrong i was ,my partner said and i quote "i promised "neices name" i will go with her and i'm not breaking my promise" i'm like wtf shes already been no need to go twice. i was upset we rarely go out to things together probably once a year but her niece had been out on the saturday and because of her and my partner i wouldnt get out at all if you understand what i mean. so as you will probably understand my partner makes such a big deal of breaking her promises to her family she just wont break her promises yet something that is as serious as saving our relationship she thinks nothing of breaking her promise to me. she is not thinking of me at all to even inisist going over to see her family on this annual family holiday before my court case as i have a mental illness so basically she will be with them even the day before my court case not caring how much the worry and stress of standing up in court to give evidence will do to my mental health.

so shes not giving me any support either. 

i think i have to look at this relationship for what it really is ,look beyond the fact that i love her. but look at how she looks at our relationship. someone to cook clean and do her washing. a house to live in. someone to relieve her sexual tension ,but shes not getting sex from me anymore now i just cant as shes emotionally nearly destroyed me all the times shes hurt me. i dont mean anything to her she has recently proved that making me feel like i have forced her to stay at home with me after the court case. she snapped at me yesterday when i said about going to this rally which is on one of the days of her family holiday 2 days before my court case "no you want me staying at home with you after the court case instead of going to butlins so im going every day until the court case" her words "you want me to" said in anger . thats told me all i needed to know really about howv she really feels about me. a annoying inconveince who just happens to have to go to court the same week her family are on holiday and she doesnt even then wants to put me first and only doing it like shes being forced to .