taking my emotional temperature all the time
this morning I sent a couple of emails to my therapist.
I then did chores - and then I had some more thoughts
and wrote a couple of posts.
Then I wrote my therapist another email.
My therapist said to me "It must be a hard way to live to be taking
your emotional temperature all the time" I've told her "I can't really help it"
and she said "I know but it must be hard."
So I am about to go down to set up church now. My therapist is on vacation
and she said to me it's ok to send emails but I have to admit that I am realzing
how much I rely on her and put on her while I work along in my days.
I am very grateful she is out there. I feel a sense of comradery and take sustenance
from that - but I also know I need to come on here more often and work it out
here and not depend on her so much - especially giving her respect enough to have
a vacation free from psychologists duties.
Things are good. Sending peace.
Replies
not only do you seem to take your emotional temperature continually, you aren't finished until you have finished graphing your current temperature on a global scale. where do i rank in the royal we-ness?
but? ? ? as i read and type, i wonder if this is what the people who helped me escape child prostitution were calling, "placing yourself at the center of the universe." they were addressing the symptoms of what they called, "the savior syndrome" where i thought it my god-given duty to save the world. just wondering. . . there are so-o-o-o-o many different ways of saying the same thing and the world has changed quite allot since the turn of the 1970's.
arfie I like you a lot a lot !!! - but do i hear judgement from you? because you went through it ought not to invalidate that someone
else is going through it or has gone through it. the experience to create a savior or or not is maybe the motivation our experience gives
to us to create and achieve with a sense of mission.....? I really appreciate your feedback here though I don't think you meant it as judgement but perhaps the marvel at humanity and similar ways people respond to life's influences -
motivation to do good works
and not just works that say 'hey look what I can do" is really a distinguishing element I am currently thinking about.
It helps me see that each person is an amalgamation of many different sides and dimensions - and so what I find here at the monastery
though similar relationships exist in the real world - it is sort of training me to understand my reactions and my actual hopes for achieving
while being here.
It may very well be forever - but i think at the crux of it - I like the underlying spirit of togetherness and dignity.
That's not to say that the nuns aren't total bitches sometimes but it does teach me that "this is real life" - that life is a contact sport.
that the spirit of a spiritual family or that of a real world family like your own - has really wonderful aspects to it - and a mutual agreement in its mission statement but alas we're all human and so there are bitchiness and harshness and tit for tats with people
you also have emotional intimacy with... LIfe can be harsh and sweet and so the mix of it is reality.
I'm finding why I am here - and appreciating that. xxx
I read your journals, and am seeing the journey of healing with joy that you share on this challenging adventure.
Adventure because it was an unknown when you started. Challenging because you're exposing all of the adventure as you find your way through those moments of chaos. Share because you're writing it out which is the #1 thing that works to release anxiety in a safe method. Joy expressed through photos and words. Healing because as you move through the moments, you find peace and keep putting one foot in front of the other to the next moment. Journey because it's the experiences that are giving you opportunity of peace of self.
You're doing a wonderful job of helping yourself help you. Here's to your continuing success!
Thanks Mid!! Xxoo
Big squishy hug sweetie
It would be wonderful to have a therapist that you really connect with
I'm so glad that you have that and that you also have a place hear to voice what you want or need to
I know that your diagnosis can be so challanging at times and I have no doubt painful but you soldier on and do what you need to, to 'keep on keeping on'
Now where did I read those wise words...smile
Another big hug my friend...xo
Thanks Janet!! Xx
absolute agreement that every case is unique. no intention to judge, but i can see where the spiel about how it **seems** like you are forever "taking your emotional temperature" and comparing yourself to others. emphasis on **seems**.
the background on my own, strictly personal savior syndrome (no "we" intended) can be found in the substance abuse family models. in large families (i am 5th of 11 siblings), the classic dysfunctional roles have room for expansion beyond the usual good/bad kids. it is common for one of the children to be cast as, "the family savior." that was me in my birth family. i was raised to believe it was my duty to save the family from itself and everyone expected me to. by the time i reached the throwaway kid camps, i was out to save every puppy in the pound and leap tall injustices in a single bound. that psycho snot knot had reached truly psychotic proportions by the time i reached psychotherapy.
my reference to that strictly personal snot knot was about a sense of familiarity to the wording your psychotherapist used. now, as i reread your original post, methinks i was speaking out of turn. what was i thinking? apology for having mentioned ^it^.
p.s.
i am sorry for having sounded judgemental, but i am thoroughly impressed with the eloquence with which you defended your strictly personal self.
No worries at all Arfie, thanks very much. Have a great day ahead!!