take the power back from the mh challenge du jour :)
I came home from work and ate my lunch, played with Blue, showered and dressed
and then went for coffee. I talked to my brother on the phone and then talked to my Dad
as well, both before I got the coffee.
I came home and for some reason just started feeling mopey - but I gotta turn it around.
I'll own my blank page of events at this moment and own this day, my day.
I may want to live under a snug umbrella like blanket that keeps me safe
and secure and comforted....but I can't - I have got to own the day - the new day - own it in terms of taking responsibility and humbleness for needing to make it what I need to make it - nobody can do it for me
and we all just need to venture forth that way. Own the day and the plans and reactions to it.
It’s like I want something to be secure about my life but I have to deal with the ambiguity and a state of dis-ease about it and so I have to move forward perhaps thinking about or taking solace from my heavenly father or something.
But then the force I had behind wanting something kind of firm about my life gave way to making me have a darkness about things.....
And so I started to sit with this mood and as I sit with it, my imagination leaves me and it’s like there’s only one way to be like I have no options outside of stuffing my face with food and just waiting for my appointment while on the couch - just like a dark compression force.
I think to name it as a way to see it as 'oh yeah, that again' and take the power out of it and it also is reminding me
to consider myself like i did in the last journal - that I have some broken parts about myself. And that brings me down to a viable path forward - just acceptance about part of dealing with things.
I thought about protecting myself while at work today. I thought about trust, protecting myself
and getting on with the day and being as outgoing as I could be - reaching out to customers.
I also thought about what I would like to be doing for work - and for the first time I felt motivated
about giving myself what I wanted professionally - even though I didn't know what that was... yet..
but then I came home and started to feel mopey - I had to wait for my Pop to get home in order to go
over there and pick something up for delivery and for some crazy reaction reason, I tried to own my day
but spiraled instead as a result.
Now onto therapy in an hour and a half! woot!
Replies
Woot!!... Seize the day and all that.....smile.... I hope that you have a great appt LC.... Big squishy hug....xo
Thanks Janet!!! Xo
"I think to name it as a way to see it as 'oh yeah, that again' and take the power out of it. . ."
These might be the very words I have been looking for to describe the healing relief I have found in radical acceptance. No, the broken parts are not okay, but with gentle acceptance and tolerance, ^it^ doesn't need to be a joy stopper. Tend the necessities then, back to the fun.
Mh challenges du jour….
I usually just throw my arms up and say, welp, I just need to embrace being a weirdo! And call it a day
Thanks Arfie!! Thanks Nikki!!