Swing time

I am now scared.  Saturday suicide popped into my head and I shook it right out-it made me very uncomfortable.  Today, with the added stress of money and responsibilitie....the word crept into my mind.  Then when I get home, the youngest cousin, whom I am staying with, goes off and everyone has been treating me like shit except the eldest R. T. whom I love with all my heart, I can refer to that journal entry latter.  As I lay down to go to bed, I am in tears...I don't know how much longer I have before I start "making plans" and I hope to hell if I do get that that I get my ass to a hospital.  Its worse now, that I know what these emotions are leading up to.
 
I have to stop putting off finding a counselor, I emailed one before I got on here.  I will talk with my older cousin who is 38 and ask her to keep an eye on me for a while.