survival as a point of departure
I have learned a good deal from my trip to Florida (with my Aunt and cousins) and then to Maryland (with my friend the Abbess and folks at her monastery.) Both the differences in culture from here in Southern California
and the different experiences there just had made me reflect in a great deal on my own way of life now that I am
home since Wednesday night.
So, it's Friday morning and things are good. I find very much that I am holding onto the values that I got a sense of while away..
and comparing those and understanding my life and way of being now that I am here..after being there.
Like any retreat business or personal - I have come back with a new vantage and am refreshed about what I am doing and where I want to go.
I feel a sense of grounding in the idea of using survival as a concept for 'a point of departure' in my day and thought.
It gives me energy too - I feel connected to my life - to know I am taking care of myself, like we all do and I have enthusiasm for it
and I like it. I've also found that very often I have an aesthetic, a sense of the beautiful, as my way of
wanting to live but I am realizing that I can't live "in my way" alone and know that I can go down that road as I have before - though - I know I must ground myself in the vision and values
that help me survive - so that I don't become manic or confronted by the misunderstanding of the realities
I think we all face by dealing with each other and our lives - our daily lives and the nature of being individuals who are surviving and coping with our own emotional lives etc....
I find myself having to sincerely adjust my natural state and vision for creating beautiful things so that
I don't go blindly and singularly down the path of my locomotion and if I did I think that's pretty much a symptom
of my condition.
Right now I find myself wanting to decorate my home some more - but I also am able to be adjusted to
and comforted by the fact that I have to use my essential survival as an inspiration for getting
the various things I want to do, done. I am not going to over spend and not going to frivolously invest.
My mind pretty much splays open so much with the undulation of the day but I know to keep focused
on the 'taking care' - and though I may change inside - I know I can keep a steady eye on keeping house
and home and Blue and me and friends and family and volunteerships all cared for.
My little corner of the world, I will take care of....on my watch :)!
That's a thought I had once I left for vacation - now, I am remembering it.
Replies
it's so curious too - if I go with the wind in my sails - I can so get caught up in decor. I think it's like getting caught
up in fantasy. Getting caught up in decorating is so much about (maybe for me) creating a world of my own.
A way to deal with vulnerability and no sense that I am getting stuck in a pattern of self soothing, self satisfying
and avoiding relationships!
I can see how we can get caught up and stuck in the moment of what we need through a mental wrong turn. It's times like those
that I need to be creative and give myself if not exactly what I want (as it might not possible financially or what have you)
and give myself something of the kind of what I want. A therapist of mine a long time ago remarked
when I told him about the art I collected and the designing of my condo "Mark, those are people."
It makes sense now. :)
my sense of constancy is not really there. I feel I change so much so often.
I'm trying to be realistic about life. my life. I want to be able to afford the things I want (albeit some would say superficial things though I am not judging myself) - but maybe if I can't afford the riches I want - should I live with spiritual riches
at the monastery? Or do I just deal with the adjusted perspective on what I afford in life so that I live
if not with total fulfillment with some things and some experiences and some relationships etc... but then live with some fulfillment with all things mentioned?
and maybe giving someone else the power to put our decisions into a little box of "approval" from them is something
to avoid as well. I need to make the decisions that are right for me and smart about my survival and flourishing.
but then again I am disabled and so I need help and that's part of my life. We all need each other to get where we're going maybe and wanting to go.
Take it from someone who has ALWAYS lived on a tight budget…. there is an art to living thrifty.
I think my surroundings, Chicago and its realness, ground me a lot every day. But if surroundings weren’t what they are today, I may have felt some things similar to what you’ve described.
Thats the great part of travel, Mark! Expériencing life from a différent angle.
I have never expérienced a stay in a monastery, so I dont know what that expérience would be, and its hard for me to comment on what youre feeling.
I know that you bring up your mental health issues a lot, and thats why we are all here, right? But I think it’s important to stay aware, stay sturdy in all the tools you’ve added to the toolbox, and proceed toward what it is you want in life with a sense of what’s important.
I live in a normal little apartment with not the most extravagant things, but its home and ive taken great pride in small, slow decorating over many years. I’ll give you some budget pointers if you’d like!
Sending hugs.
thanks nikki!