Surviving
Day 14 - 16 of 365 - Man Break
The weekends are better for me than the work week. I just get enough down time to breathe. Sometimes during the week it is such a whirlwhind of activity it is overwhelming.
I don't really have much to say except I'm surviving. A lot of stuff seems to be sinking in lately and I'm starting to understand these men I've been dating and why things went as they did. I'm studying everyone's behavior now. I realize that most of the people I have surrounded myself with are self-absorbed and that's probably why I don't feel like I have a support system. Because I don't.
I find it interesting studying people. Even studying myself.
Here's to more reading and more understanding.
The weekends are better for me than the work week. I just get enough down time to breathe. Sometimes during the week it is such a whirlwhind of activity it is overwhelming.
I don't really have much to say except I'm surviving. A lot of stuff seems to be sinking in lately and I'm starting to understand these men I've been dating and why things went as they did. I'm studying everyone's behavior now. I realize that most of the people I have surrounded myself with are self-absorbed and that's probably why I don't feel like I have a support system. Because I don't.
I find it interesting studying people. Even studying myself.
Here's to more reading and more understanding.
Replies
great job! 2 weeks down, 50 to go. I understand what you mean about not having a support system. I feel the same way. The people I thought were \"friends\" were never there when I needed someone. They don\'t care. I would love to have a close friend that I could spend time with and talk to and would care and notice when things aren\'t going well for me. DS is the only place where I have anyone to listen to me and support me. I don\'t know where we go to find these kind of ppl in real life.
I am totally with you on the support thing. I feel the exact same way. DS IS the only place where I feel heard and supported and that\'s pretty sad. I don\'t know where to find people who care either. If I had a best friend like you talk about maybe I wouldn\'t try to find everything in a man. It\'s like the relationship thing draws me in because when I\'m with someone I feel like I belong. But all the relationships I was in they didn\'t really care about me - they just wanted something from me.
Exactly. Mine didn\'t care about me either, weren\'t even capable of caring about anyone but themselves. I really want a healthy circle of friends. I think probably the best place to meet ppl like that would be support group meetings IRL. I went to a few Love Addicts Anonymous meetings but I stopped and haven\'t been able to motivate myself to go since. They are on Friday nights and that\'s just not what I want to be doing on Fri night. I need to find some kind of support group though. I just want to feel like I belong somewhere. Have you ever been to any meetings?
I went to some healthy relationship meetings for a while and met some women but they never really followed up afterward and I haven\'t really been to any other meetings. I find it a little hard because I am already so busy but maybe I\'ll look into it and give it a try. Every time I meet new people I am hopeful it will develop into something real but I have to say that most of the women I meet are nothing like me and always seem cool until you really get to know them. I have kinda shut myself off really. I have been disappointed by people so much and so often I don\'t even really want to try anymore. I know that\'s probably not healthy but I\'m finding I\'m the only one I can count on. Maybe the healthier you get the more healthy people you attract. That\'s what I\'m hoping anyway. It is soooo hard not having someone to just call when you have a bad day. I actually go down the list of people I know when I need a shoulder and end up discounting everyone. At least now I have DS. That\'s made things a lot better.
arat, there was quite a few years that I worked on a support system. Right about now ... all of my effort is finally paying off. It took years to re organize how I experience myself in order to find healthy support. Other wise like you express above all I got was a bunch of men and even women who were suckers as in life energy - emotional suckers/thieves.
I think that it is true that as I became emotionally healthy with a more realistic self belief system that I do attract more people for relationships. Strangely enough I still spot the users and abusers but I can feel my self repel the sticky mass of a black hole much better.
Like you... DS was my main connection and I still like friends on line. It is not sad in fact I think it is really amazing. That would be a real change at how I experience on line communication.
Actually I would rather write about my bad day on line then with 3-D people. I also think there are a lot of people suffering from separation. It seems to be an epidemic. (((hugs))) and good job on the count! I am still single and just told some one today I love it. I am so tired of tending to heavy weights also known as baby self saturated men.
Pageo thanks! I missed you! I always say this but you have a beautiful way of expressing yourself and always make me feel better:)
I too agree with the separation thing. There is so much lack of community these days. People don\'t interact as much so it is hard, but you are right my DS friends have made a world of difference. With everyone\'s help I feel supported in my journey to healthiness.