Support

In addition to my last journal, I had to write down the two most supportive comments from friends that helped me get through this.

A 32 year old co-worker said to me, "If I only stayed at my father's house and not my mom's, I wouldn't even EXPECT her to see me." I appreciated her saying that to me.  It helped alot.  It's a shame my DD25 isn't as mature as this young woman. SHE understood why it would be hurtful to me, but DD25 only sees it as mom being difficult and wanting her own way. Thank GOD my older 2 are over 30 now and finally understood and changed their ways staying at my house completely equal time as their father and it has been wonderful.

One of my best friends stated, "If you keep on allowing her to hurt you, her behavior will never change."  Agree.

It wasn't easy doing what I did and I let DD25 know it, but, I let her know I did what was right for ME as she did for HER.  My compromise was more than fair, but because SHE wasn't getting it ALL her way, she wouldn't bend or even consider meeting me halfway. I hope for her it was worth it. 

Standing up for myself and not being a doormat WAS worth it to me.  I have let my children walk all over me for years and, honestly, it felt good to take a stance.  I was in therapy a few years back and my therapist said to me, "You need to set boundaries with those who hurt you."  I didn't heed her advice THEN, but I am now. I saw my DD25 in July, so am just hanging on to the great memories we made then in Maui. I did tell DD25 that I will always love her and hope to see in April when I will be in Maui again...this time to see my first grandchild.  DD32 lives there as well and is pregnant and due in February. So, I do hope to see DD25 then. If she chooses to be angry and not see me, that will be HER choice, but we both just ended it sadly knowing we still love each other, but that we both did was right for ourselves and it cost us both. It is what it is, but the love remains.