Super Bowl Sunday - 2 / 4 / 19

Today's been a mixed bag of emotions, to say the least. For the most part it's been relatively " okay " compared to a LOT of other days lately. The two biggest problems today were him playing Bejeweled on his Xbox 360 system - and not being happy with it ! Then this evening when the Super Bowl was on, the team he wanted to win - lost ! He wanted the Rams to win, but the Patriots won instead. 

It didn't help his foul mood at all that the refs in the big game were obviously favoring the Patriots. They seemed to call a lot of extra penalty flags on the Rams, but hardly any on the Patriots. 

Overall, he accepted the lost a lot calmer than I was assuming he would. I was very thankful for that ! 

It helped that the Rams at least had 3 points of score, so it wasn't a complete " shut out " of a game. 

Right now it's almost 1 AM - and he's still OUT for a " walk " - supposedly because of a bad case of heart burn. 

That's " always " his excuse for long walks, but I just don't know.

How can I truly trust him 100 % about this ? How can I when he's lied to me so many times - over and over and over again - in the past ? 

So I can't help but suspect that during these " long walks " he's using them to contact ex-gfs - or possibly even a " new " woman that he's been recently flirting with online, and on the phone. Either case is a very strong possiblity. 

I think I'd be very stupid to automatically assume that NONE of that is happening ! 

It's happened before.... So why not now ? 

He's proven to be a " repeater " of old behaviors ! ... No matter how many times he promises me ... " things will be different ".... in the end, they've always proven to be the EXACT SAME ! 

I just HOPE AND PRAY that he DOES NOT leave me financially stranded like he's done before ! 

I need to come up with a very REAL, and Potential, financial plan to survive on my own... SOMEHOW !... WITH GOD'S HELP !!! 

PLEASE GOD... HELP ME... SHOW ME WHAT TO DO ? HOW TO DO ?... WHICH WAY I NEED TO TURN ???