Sundays Suck
I use to enjoy Sundays, getting ready for the week, spending time on the couch watching movies, now I hate Sundays. 7 Sundays ago is the last time I saw my baby :((
The weather was super nice this weekend. My best friend and her daughter came out yesterday and my oldest daughter and I all went to lunch and walked around in some caves in our town, and today we went to the butterfly house it was nice and I really tried to enjoy the weather and the company but I am just so lonely. I want to feel better so bad I cant stand it, mostly for the others that love me. The moments I do feel ok I feel bad for it, like its too soon for me to be ok. This sunny weather and the thought of spring coming hurts so bad. Marissa loved the warm weather. She loved Summer and going swimming. She would be graduating high school in 2 months and would have been so proud of herself. I was already so very proud of her, of who she was, how she was so strong and confident. She always stood up for herself and others. She was so loyal, almost to a fault. I love her so much. I really do not know how I am going to live on this earth without her.
I hope you all have a nice week, thank you for listening.
XOXO,
Angie
Replies
Oh Angie. That turmoil of emotions is so familiar. There is no rhyme or reason.
There is no right or wrong way to survive this horror. Sometimes it is just a matter of one minute to the next. Do what you need to do. Yell, scream, throw things (preferably soft things). Come here any time you feel the need to connect.
I am glad you went out and felt some joy. It is not disrespectful to Marissa to laugh and have fun. In fact, I suspect she would want that.
Please know you are not alone on this journey that none of us wants to be on.
Love and tight hugs,
Marlene
I think we will always have that feeling of \'missing\' our child - like our arm was cut off and something tangible and necessary is abruptly gone.
This is such a harsh blow to us moms. The hurt is often unbearable, but somehow breath to breath we get through it. Feel whatever is appropriate for that breath...
Sending love...
Oh dear Angie, in the beginning I thought I would never ever feel better or even any joy again (I mean real true joy not the fleeting kind). I just couldn\'t envision that happening. The pain was just too raw and debilitating.
But as the months and years rolled on, I can now really look back and see how far I have come and how I actually survived this horrific loss.
For me, the pain didn\'t go away but it has softened significantly. My new \"normal\" life includes the continuous spiritual presence of my son, and he has shown me that to be true in so many ways. This helps me and my family to keep moving forward, to find peace and to start feeling real joy again.
Everyone is unique, but it took me five years to get to this place. Now, even with the ups and downs of life, I can take life\'s \"stuff\" on with more strength and serenity.
Angie, just keep writing your journals about your sweet dear daughter Marissa. It seems to help in the healing process. I used the book \"Grief Quest: A Workbook & Journal To Heal The Grieving Parent\'s Heart\", to write down my memories and feelings about my son. It helped me to get all the stuff in my head down on paper.
I hope the days ahead bring you continual peace and strength.
Love and hugs,
Diane
Angie,
I\'m so glad that you are journaling about your feelings. I have found this forum most helpful. It\'s been 4 months ago TODAY that my son passed away. I still think about him all of the time, and would give anything to get him back. I\'m sending my thoughts, prayers and love your way,
Chris
Angie, as I have told you, I am so very sorry for the loss of Marissa. Know that she is watching over you and with each step of the way. Hugs, Kathy
((((Hugs))))) Vicki
It was Fridays for me...I saw every Friday and the 18th of the month and 8:22pm...in time that changes. In time only periodically will these days and times stab at your heart. Your loss is so recent...probably feels like you are just going through the motions of life. Take gentle care ..and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Love to you...Karen