Sunday Night

Well, it's 715p on a Sunday night.

Today was a day off from work, but it was a day full of chapel duties

and a trip to my fav pub. Then back home for kitchen chores and meal prep

and then chapel service 'vespers' and then evening meal and then 'small compline.'

I closed up the chapel after that  - put things away- and picked up the meals for

the men in the rectory.

I was thinking during services that I was very contented. I really feel like in a different kind of way

that if I were to have a family it would be very much like serving with the sisters

here at the monastery. I have a place here and I know what to look for, my cues,

when I am needed.  There's always something that needs to be cared after for them or us

and we all support each other in different ways - then I have work in the outside world -

and then I have errands to do for my own personal behalf. Those errands for myself

are becoming tedious - because - most of the time in my time off I just want to rest.

But I am seeing on a different kind of level - how I unwind so much when I am in my cell

after being with the group - and I can explain it or describe it as - the group being like

my family - or like has the rigors of being attentive to a family or significant other -

and then when I am in my room - I lose sense of keeping sharp -

I wish I had an actual significant other to bounce off

of. Blue is a good boy - but he's not great at conversation though I love him like my baby.

I can see why people in the orthodox faith keep icons. Perhaps it's giving yourself that

relationship at every level. Even at home. And though folks may have a significant

other- the icons are like tapping into reassurances supplemental to their

own powers. They also create a kind of rigor in life - a standard - to upkeep...

So in that sense it can be seen again like a significant other too who

you kind of bounce off of in order to make decisions or just feel the succcor 

of relating to a cherished one.