Sunday morning... can't sleep.. 5:14 AM

I've been awake since around 2 - 2:30 AM, and now it's creeping up on 5:30 AM. 

I'm just thankful that so far I haven't heard " HIM " stir... at least not yet. As long as he stays " asleep " - stays in the bedroom - I'll still have some peace and quiet to do whatever I choose to do... without anyone telling me to do something different - ( telling - not asking ), and / or even going as far as " threatening " to hurt me if I don't do whatever I'm doing in an extremely quiet way ! 

It's such BULL SHIT !!!!!

This is MY APARTMENT ! .... I am " sharing it " with Him ! ... He doesn't seem to grasp that concept ! 

While YES I have told him several times to consider this apartment " our home " together, and I did mean that. At least I meant it when I said it - when he was " still " behaving in a reasonably kind / compassionate / and loving manner ! 

But... since then his moods have been SO ERATIC that I barely know from one moment to the next where I stand with him ! 

No matter how good a day starts off, it can change after ONE word is said that HE decides is WRONG ! 

I've tried... and tried... and tried... etc.. etc... countless times.. to explain to him that I NEVER know what that ONE WORD will be... or EVER COULD BE ! 

I DON'T ! ... That's the honest to God's truth ! 

No matter how many times I've explained this to him, he still insists that I somehow magically " know " that what I said " pushed his buttons " - as he puts it ! 

PUSHED HIS BUTTONS ?!?!?!?.... REALLY ????

That's putting it EXTREMELY MILDLY ! 

In my mind " pushing someone's buttons " means you say something, and it puts them in a " grouchy " mood. 

It does NOT put them instantly in a full-blown all-out psychotic RAGING FIT !.... as IF someone flipped a switch to ON and a wall ! 

I'm hoping right now that he STAYS asleep - ( or even simply stays in the bedroom playing on his cell phone ) - till 10 AM ! 

That would be heaven for me.

I would LOVE to have an entire Sunday morning completely to myself ! ... Peace and quiet.... doing something fun, and entertaining. ... all good ! 

PLEASE GOD..... let him STAY in there till 10 AM ! 

PLUS.... I Pray that whenever he ends up going to the grocery store today, that it goes " smoothly " with no dramatic confrontations with other customers  and / or taxi cab drivers !

James called me last night right at dinner time - ( at least right when HE was cooking burgers for our dinner ) - so I couldn't talk to him for very long. I just hope that James wasn't upset at me for sort of cutting him short on the phone, especially since yesterday was his birthday. I wish James still had his sight so I could mail him a birthday present - one he'd see, and enjoy. Of course I don't wish he would have his sight back " just " because of that, but that would be one very small part of it. 

I'm hoping that while Ray is out at the grocery store, I'll be able to reach James on the phone for awhile. I'm very concerned about him ever since he told me he's now involved with the LDS church.