Sunday I wrote this

ok sooo yesterday...  after all of that .......I went to bed.. finally got to sleep at 430 am... and got up by 730 am with the girls.. and Jaden had a b-day party yesterday, soo I waited around for that.. and got him finally out of bed by 1 p.m...and of course .....he had a couple smart ass comments...for me which i proceded to ignore I left and went to my sisters house in Shakopee... I went up there and we went to a movie (Marley & Me).. bawled my eyes out... and we ate at the mall.. so I get back to her house....  My sister saw the bruises, saw the swelling, heard the story.... was so upset she didnt even know what to say... My sister is one of the most outspoken people I know.. and she didnt know what to say to me... Her and her husband didnt want me to go home... Her husband.. who doesnt say anything... was upset... IT WAS SOOOOO damn shitty out..sleeting and snowing..  it was like blizzard conditions... so warmed my truck up.. cause I had like 2 inches of ice all over my car...left her house at 645 pm....no freaking shit ... I didnt get back to town till 845 pm....I had to stop three times to flip the windshield wipers cause I couldnt see anymore from all the ice... My lord.. I was soo stressed out... Then I stopped at the office, to talk to some coworkers and then went home, and freaking my house... was trashed.... I mean trashed..I mean seriously..bad.... . so started cleaning that...and that I know he did... just to piss me off... But he did throw the closet door evidence outside in his trailer... which i knew he would do... in case his parents would stop over or the girls would see.... soooooooooooooooooreally I am ok..my hand is sore.. bruised.. but fine... my leg is bruised but will healmy ankle is bruised but will heal..my freaking shoulder... I have a bad one,  I always get migraines on.... when he grabbed my hand and squeezed and tried pulling my phone away...  he must of also jarred my shoulder.. cause hell. now that hurts....but it will heal..  Its just really uncomfortable... and of course dont wanna go to the doc... cause of course they will ask how it happened, and seriously just not ready for that.. so I will suffer in silence.. last night in the movie theater was tricky.. to sit for that long straight up.. sucked...  and when I drove home... how tight I had to have the wheel in my hands... sucked ass....   that sucked... bad.  I was soo damn scared driving home by myself in that shit..  I should of just stayed at my sisters house... but... I know he would never hurt the girls.. but i also dont like leaving them with him after one of these episodes.People  cant protect me from him.. they cant save me...from the bad things ... I know I am the one here who needs to save me... cause no one else can do it.. I know now.. that I have to be responsible for me and mine.. cause I have no choice...I cant rely on anyone to save me .. to fix things...    and that night when it happend.... i did try to call someone...  I was working on it...  I was gonna call 1 of my deputy friends... and thats when he exploded.. when I said I was calling this deputy.... right before that he started falling on purpose into things..  saying I kicked him in in the face.. and that he was getting beat up ...yah I pushed him out of the bed .. with my legs... I did...I pushed ... I didnt kick.. I was to upset to kick... and thats why he grabbed my ankle and squeezed............so I grabbed my phone and said ur fucking out of control..... I am calling someone.. which turned into the wrong damn idea ... I should of just got out of bed and went to the couch....in the first place.... which is what the damn fight started about