Suicide sounds pretty nice right now..

I'm questioning my strength.. How much can I really handle... My dad thinks I'm weak. The guy I want to be with doesn't seem to want anything but sex and would probably leave the second he gets what he wants.. My best friend is trying to help.. But I don't want to push my problems on here, she's depressed enough... My ex.. Well, he's happy.. So I guess that's good, just wish he'd think about what he tells me and how he does it..  v.v My mom has tried being a bit more supportive and loving because of everything that's going on but still isn't doing all that great at it... My sister, I Don't even know.. I feel like I'm alone.. And I feel even worse cause I know I have all these people,  a good portion of which say they'll be there and a few truly mean it and want to help... But I still feel alone.. No one can help me... I'm too broken to fix.. Too wounded to heal... At least that's how it feels.. I feel disgusted with my self.. I feel like I could never be good enough for people.  I feel like I've let down the animals/people most important to me... I feel like a failure... I don't want to feel this way, I don't want everything that's going on in my life anymore.... Screw "it's just gonna my you stronger/a better person".... It's literally fucking killing me! I can physically feel myself falling apart.. Drifting closer to suicide... I just don't even care anymore... Everything that always stops me, doesn't even matter to me anymore... Well, it does, but not enough... I'm just done.. I'm tired.. Drained... I don't want to be alive anymore... I can't stand the thought of waking up.. Leaving my house, room or even bed.. I can't stand the thought of screwing up even more..... I just truly do not want to be alive.... What's stopping me? I don't even know.. I don't have it in me to get up and do it. I keep telling myself to smile and laugh, things will get better.. But things aren't getting better.. And I'm tired of waiting.  am am starting to shake.. Can't stop crying.... I suppose I'll sleep before I have another really bad panic attack..