suicidal thoughts

For the past two years, suicide has been something that never leaves my mind. I think about it pretty much everyday.
No, I'm not gonna do it. Not because I don't want to, but because I'm scared I'll fail and failing is the thing that scares me most. I also don't do it because I'm a bit of a coward. I could never jump out of a building or something.
"suicide is a very selfish act". Yeah, I know that, but for the past 20 years I've been living to please other people, so I guess I deserve a "selfish" moment. And besides, I know that my friends and family would be sad for a while, but in the long-term it would be better for them not to have me in their lives since I haven't been the most pleasant person lately.
Again, I'm not going to kill myself! I just felt the need to write about it.