Suicide
Although I'm still taking a break from DS, I feel like I should write this entry.
A very close friend of my sisters committed suicide two nights ago. I didn't really know him, except for what my sister has said of their relationship and a handful of personal encounters, but his death has made a heavy impact none the less.
I know all too well how he must've been feeling. Like many others on this site, I've had to deal with extreme depression and suicidal thoughts and tendancies. I came very, very close to ending my own life years ago, but didn't only because of the intervention of my family. When I started treatment for my bp that majority of those thoughts and feelings went away, but I still remember them. The pain, despair and hopelessness was unbearable. It was a crushing/ sufficating weight that I would've given anything to get away from...
Knowing that that's how he must've been feeling as he strung himself up makes me feel like something inside of me is dying. His last moments of life were in an empty building, alone and tortmented by demons only he could hear. He thought no one cared about him, that there was no hope for a better future and that his life was worthless. He was wrong.
He was loved. I've never seen my sister cry the way she did yesterday and she's been through more then most people. Her heart is broken. If no one else cared, I know at least she did. She loved him, HE MEANT SOMETHING TO HER. Because of her, his life meant something to me as well. I'm grieving the loss of him like he was a part of me, even though I barely knew him. What does that say about his worth, that a relative stranger mourns him?
I wish I could turn the clocks back, just to shake him and scream "THINGS CAN ALWAYS GET BETTER!!! I'm living proof of that!! Don't fuckin give up!! Fight damn it!! You're so young, you're going to miss so much and you can NEVER take this back!! I know you're in unbelieveable pain, but if you do this, you're going to cause more pain then you can understand! Please don't fuckin do this..."
Of course it's too late now. He was a wonderful man, caring, kind, talented and beautiful. And now he's gone.
I wish I didn't care, but I do. He didn't deserve to die that way.
A very close friend of my sisters committed suicide two nights ago. I didn't really know him, except for what my sister has said of their relationship and a handful of personal encounters, but his death has made a heavy impact none the less.
I know all too well how he must've been feeling. Like many others on this site, I've had to deal with extreme depression and suicidal thoughts and tendancies. I came very, very close to ending my own life years ago, but didn't only because of the intervention of my family. When I started treatment for my bp that majority of those thoughts and feelings went away, but I still remember them. The pain, despair and hopelessness was unbearable. It was a crushing/ sufficating weight that I would've given anything to get away from...
Knowing that that's how he must've been feeling as he strung himself up makes me feel like something inside of me is dying. His last moments of life were in an empty building, alone and tortmented by demons only he could hear. He thought no one cared about him, that there was no hope for a better future and that his life was worthless. He was wrong.
He was loved. I've never seen my sister cry the way she did yesterday and she's been through more then most people. Her heart is broken. If no one else cared, I know at least she did. She loved him, HE MEANT SOMETHING TO HER. Because of her, his life meant something to me as well. I'm grieving the loss of him like he was a part of me, even though I barely knew him. What does that say about his worth, that a relative stranger mourns him?
I wish I could turn the clocks back, just to shake him and scream "THINGS CAN ALWAYS GET BETTER!!! I'm living proof of that!! Don't fuckin give up!! Fight damn it!! You're so young, you're going to miss so much and you can NEVER take this back!! I know you're in unbelieveable pain, but if you do this, you're going to cause more pain then you can understand! Please don't fuckin do this..."
Of course it's too late now. He was a wonderful man, caring, kind, talented and beautiful. And now he's gone.
I wish I didn't care, but I do. He didn't deserve to die that way.
Replies
Your reaction is both loving and super. I attempted to end my life some time ago due to heartbreak, it quite simply sent me emotionally crazy, the ugliest place I have ever been in my life, and a place I would only wish for the person that sent me there on.
Nothing is known obviously of this young man\'s pain, but it had to be awful for him to pay the ultimate price for it, and whilst I agree that his life is lost to this world, maybe it is a blessing to the world he moves onto if indeed that is what happens when death befalls us here. The good thing is that you are still in a healthy place, and that is important because the world very much needs people of your type actively involved in it.