Suffering Stockholm
Having read up on the what the Stockholm syndrome is all about, I found myself nodding along to the description of how the victim thinks and why they stay in the relationship. I fit in so well. And I need to keep reminding myself I am a victim. I know what he does is wrong, and yet I have tried to make excuses for him, I do get protective of him if my friends or family say something against him, I do try so hard to smooth things out and remove any potential 'trouble' that could set him off. I have even started telling my daughter to 'not do that, don’t do this or you'll get me in trouble with daddy". What am I thinking, why am I still in this relationship.
I miss my friends and family, but they are part of the 'trouble' that I had to remove in order to keep things smooth. Well, he thinks they are far removed but I have stayed in contact best I can. That and he has made threats that I believe he would follow through with so I think to protect them and to protect him, I'll just keep them all away. Protect him? Why do I feel I need to protect him? Its his fault his life is the way it has been and is now. I guess I feel like, how could I be so wrong about the person I thought I knew. I got suckered in at the start as he was so nice and charming and thoughtful. I got the sob stories about his past, how everyone turned against him, how life has always been unfair. He said I was good for him and he was good for me. He'd make me a better person. And it was for the first few weeks. And it really was only weeks because now I can look back and see where his controlling side kicked in.
How many times am I going to think 'hey its all good again maybe this is it this time'. Because when things go down hill I then argue with myself, 'see it never lasts, you know it never lasts, so quit thinking there's a chance it will'.
Ok, that’s my blat on Stockholm. I'm having a down day and I need to write since I can't concentrate on work at the moment. Besides the good time has been and gone once again so now I can think properly…….. again
I miss my friends and family, but they are part of the 'trouble' that I had to remove in order to keep things smooth. Well, he thinks they are far removed but I have stayed in contact best I can. That and he has made threats that I believe he would follow through with so I think to protect them and to protect him, I'll just keep them all away. Protect him? Why do I feel I need to protect him? Its his fault his life is the way it has been and is now. I guess I feel like, how could I be so wrong about the person I thought I knew. I got suckered in at the start as he was so nice and charming and thoughtful. I got the sob stories about his past, how everyone turned against him, how life has always been unfair. He said I was good for him and he was good for me. He'd make me a better person. And it was for the first few weeks. And it really was only weeks because now I can look back and see where his controlling side kicked in.
How many times am I going to think 'hey its all good again maybe this is it this time'. Because when things go down hill I then argue with myself, 'see it never lasts, you know it never lasts, so quit thinking there's a chance it will'.
Ok, that’s my blat on Stockholm. I'm having a down day and I need to write since I can't concentrate on work at the moment. Besides the good time has been and gone once again so now I can think properly…….. again
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