Suffering
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
My chaotically developed river dream is feeling shipwrecked this morning. The pain and insecurity are whelming. Ouch to the Nth degree. The continued non-communication from the contractor and the nearness to the contracted deadline have me feeling robbed. As duped as the used up, neurotic housewife I am. "Delusions of Granduer" is an official diagnosis in my psych portfolio. I donae argue the dx. All of my most colorful psychotic breaks were at high points in my career.
As I process the possibility that I have been duped, I find myself wondering if my suffering habit is actually a distraction from feeling the pain. A random iternet tug has me flashing back to childhood sibling dialog about "Bitter Betty." That was our name for our mother when she was manic broadcasting. Normally, she wasnae overly talkative, but when she exploded, the erruption was volcanic. No getting the lava back in the volcano and the volcanic ashes and seismic activities spewed for unpredictable lengths of time and intensity. In between the solitary fear and anxieties were the status reports on what to expect from Bitter Betty. The reports were often colorful.
Which part is the pain and which part is the suffering?
Sorting. . . Processing? ? ?
Replies
My best friend, who at the time was living with a man who did Lots of work...he even built houses. She came up with "I'm a gonna do it Bill", cause Bill's mouth would speak the words she wanted to hear, yet no action followed.
Bill not only duped my friend, He Slam Dunked Me. Paying him a couple thousand dollars when he was unemployed, adding more to my mortgage for home repairs. I'm now left with an unfinished porch, bran spanking Cracked Ceramic Tile Floors, and Thank God, . He Raised the level of my floor by 2", now my non working dishwasher can't be pulled out and be repaired. The painting of new wood work had been left undone, and may other 'I'm a gonna do it" broken promises.
In my garage sits about 160. of unlaid tiles, several Large pieces of wall boarding, Massive amounts of wood for a to z use...all left in the dust, creating my own suffering for trusting, for paying when the work was not completed, and not knowing enough about construction. Hard lessons learned...it sucks, yet despite my anger, frustration and empty dreams, had I continued down the path of those emotions, he isn't hurt, I Am. If the guy is a reputable registered contractor, maybe the better business beaurea/not sure of the name, but the same guarantee as "lemon Law" for cars that break down... could help you get a refund....or being the Resourceful Woman You Are...all the equipment sitting in your yard...perhaps that could be "payment" of what you have paid in dollars as leverage to get your deposit back....
Previous manic spend to the tune of 35,000 being added on to an almost finished owned house bank took me for Higher % rate cause of my own stupidly...yup got to suck that up. Then the contractor 'decided' what was the best avenue for windows, sliding door. The bathroom remodel is now falling apart, despite "life time guarantee" calls e-mails 4 years after remodel ...I'm left holding the bag again.
My Female Warrior when I discovered after looking over the paper work of my last manic $$$ spree buying a car, and cruise left me in the bag for over 2500 for the cruise that wen down the toilet. And the car being returned, I didn't get the trade in value, cause they 'double taxed', then they would not accept my credit card, despite having the ability to pay fully for the car, at -0-%i interest, nope, they wanted their 'interest'... so I did catch the "money hungry car agent" and got close to 2000. refunded to me, a different car, that 'they didn't have the heart' to have me pay more for They Got Fucked, caught and in addition to the $$ I got refunded, I wrote a long comment in their website of my experience dealing with their dishonesty.
I wish you All The Best as you find your route, for finding an honest contractor...Pisses Me Off Big Time! Latest example, Leo was trying to deal with some ding bat on the phone not getting anywhere except frustrated and upset...Hubby called the next day and ding bat "" didn't give Him the run around....WTF.... so I've Learned 1/3 pay up, and NoMore until work is complete, to the T, and all mess is cleaned up!!!
maybe get out of the house and talk to your friend from church. Pain and suffering are halved when talking to a kind spirit. It also might
give you a fresh perspective on it. ..at least a cleanish slate to deal with the waiting and not knowing.
Gots a blizzard going on at the moment and I have just enough experience driving in the snow to be intimidated at the prospect. Don't believe I'll be getting out of the house today.
Did call my best beloved sis for some rambly gab, though. How lucky am I for having a delusional old sister I can gab at?
How does that phrase go? It's hard to find good help~
You have my empathy, arfie, it can be frustrating when we have to depend on someone besides our self and they aren't as reliable as we are.
triple hugs