SUCKY SUCKY SUCKY
My ex got fired from his job and feels bad about staying at his friend's house where he has no money to pay rent, so he's staying here. He is an utter dick to me. I try to kick him out and he says he has legal rights to stay here until our divorce is finalized, which is unfortunately true according to the police. Our children are ill with a respiratory bug, of which I just took my two year old to the emergency room for, and he's all on my case about his car breaking down and how he wants to go to school now.... I told him the least practical thing he could do was buy an '87 Porsche that his kids can't get into with their car seats and winter's coming. He turned it into a fat joke and said I'm the one who can't fit in his car. I'm sick right now, though it's mostly a cold that's feeling worse by the moment. I'm freaked because the state hasn't come through with any money in what's been 6 weeks, my car needs repairs, his car has completely stopped running, and my car insurance will soon be cancelled if I don't get any money soon. I'm fucked. It's the last two weeks of the semester, I have finals to study for, I have to get up at 3 am to get out the door by 5am and get home at 2pm to him unloading on me that I messed up our oldest child and made him hyperactive somehow.
In addition, my son's teacher wants him evaluated for Autism. Talk about a punch in the gut. My son is so beautiful, really advanced vocab, toilet trained appropriately, but makes these noises all the time to drown out people talking and covers his ears a lot.... My son said he's having nightmares every night (he's 5), like the Kool-aid guy killing everyone because they didn't like his Kool_Aid... I tell this to the ex and say we cannot let him watch these things that are too mature for him to understand and keep things PG. That night he fails to put them to bed, lets them fall asleep to the TV...what's on? 1000 ways to die!!!! I walked in to some guy getting chopped up by a bladed robot. It doesn't occur to him that these things seep into their dreams by being in the room.
The final punch in the gut, he tells me I should get it over and kill myself.... that no one would notice or care. I hate to admit that beyond my children and parents he's probably right, but that he feels he can even talk to me that way just sends me in this spiralling hatred. If our son needs help the last guy I trust to be an adult is him. He's such a big fucking baby that I'm utterly disgusted. As I'm writing this I hear him swearing at him and know he doesn't get what it is to be a child, he's so consumed with his own bitterness and rage that he just pisses all over innocence. I don't know how I'm gonna make it through the next few weeks.
In addition, my son's teacher wants him evaluated for Autism. Talk about a punch in the gut. My son is so beautiful, really advanced vocab, toilet trained appropriately, but makes these noises all the time to drown out people talking and covers his ears a lot.... My son said he's having nightmares every night (he's 5), like the Kool-aid guy killing everyone because they didn't like his Kool_Aid... I tell this to the ex and say we cannot let him watch these things that are too mature for him to understand and keep things PG. That night he fails to put them to bed, lets them fall asleep to the TV...what's on? 1000 ways to die!!!! I walked in to some guy getting chopped up by a bladed robot. It doesn't occur to him that these things seep into their dreams by being in the room.
The final punch in the gut, he tells me I should get it over and kill myself.... that no one would notice or care. I hate to admit that beyond my children and parents he's probably right, but that he feels he can even talk to me that way just sends me in this spiralling hatred. If our son needs help the last guy I trust to be an adult is him. He's such a big fucking baby that I'm utterly disgusted. As I'm writing this I hear him swearing at him and know he doesn't get what it is to be a child, he's so consumed with his own bitterness and rage that he just pisses all over innocence. I don't know how I'm gonna make it through the next few weeks.
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