stuff that springs from worry/sadness but some hope too.

i finally decided what to do in memory of grandma.......sent a donation to the NE GA Food Bank.  that donation will feed two hundred people in need of a meal.

so many of our memories are gathered around a table to share a good meal.  i like to think of Grandma at one more special banquet on her way to Heaven.  her tiny capable hands provided so much to so many.....in prayer, meals, crafts, sewing/knitting, crocheting, holding, hugging, fixing.....loving.......lost in thought and memories.  i wrote the tribute to the wall on the funeral home site and then realized i had forgotten to include sara's husband's name.  oh my nooooooo, i called and the lady was able to retrieve it somehow and fix it for me.  i couldn't see it to make sure it was ok, i have to  let to and trust that it will be alright now.......once you hit submit there is no editing feature.......which never occurred to me.  i blew it, but the nice lady unblew it thank the good Lord above.

i got all teary weepy faced writing about grandma......i just really adored her......it's hard to say good-bye.  we were joking with each other that God is so happy we reunited Grandma with Grandpa......cause Grandpa has probably been driving God crazy.....long time pastor Grandpa was a real character......in a good and also in terribly funny ways.  we loved him and we prayed for him!  in ways all famiy members can understand.......everybody has someone they know and love that is both kooky and wonderful.  .......so then his daughter Cindy said I bet Jesus is reallllllly happy, now maybe God can get a break for a hot minute and we all broke up laughing......

I can just see Grandpa talking non stop about the Bible until all of Heaven wishes for a MUTE BUTTON!!!  Now that i took care of the donation i don't have to worry about the flowers anymore.  i can chill..........i laid out a dress and need to decide on a sweater.....either navy or white.  sandals or ballet flats.  gotta decide now.

so far this week i did a couple of stand out goofs.......thank you crashy flare executives in their white lab coats laughing behind the scenes.......on Wednesday I attended the snacks get together for the OWLS.  i got my food, then later said, "Hey, where is my bread pudding?"  Everybody told me that I just had to try Miss Sue's famous bread pudding, so I got a half a piece.....and it was not on my plate.  It wasn't that long between the time I ate my good and then headed on for the end treat.........I had no memory of eating that bread pudding.  Did I like it?  What happened.......

The next day was spent in bed sans shower time........hours later I realized my nightie was inside out.  I didn't notice that when I combed out my wet hair.......standing directly in front of the big bathroom mirror.  good thing i was too wonky to go anywhere.......

yesterday i fell asleep sitting up in the waiting room of the dentist, and then waiting in the actual dental chair.  i'm out of it........no two ways about it.  i told debra i wished she could go with me to the funeral. so she said she would be happy to if i can pick her up.  it's a half hour trip each way, so it would add two hours of travel time to the day.  plus the additional hour round trip to and from the funeral home.  i don't see any way of managing it........no one offered to pick me up. 

it's a tough world......do they see me as so tough i don't need help?  i am so untough at the moment.......i need to be still and quiet and know God.  focus on that and not on the world. focus on Grandma all filled with light and whole again.  i see her young, strong, beautiful and i see this incredible soft shy smile on her face........i don't want to let go of this image until i see her throw her head back and laugh out loud......to see her fully happy in her new heavenly home. 

fanciful? maybe, but if i focus and pray i can see her ......not the woman we said good bye to but the woman that truly encompasses her spirit, her magnificent soul.  i love you grandma.........