stuff, bout now and then and now again

When is it time to sit and be humble?
Frequently.  Don't get ahead of yourself Little Birdie.
I had rise and shine issues today......been up for 45 minutes........good afternoon!
Bruce was outside working on all things that grow.  I got myself ready, started doing chores one right after the other. Tackling them like a hand diving into a bag of chips.......remember that slogan? "Bet ya can't eat just one!"  Well my challenge is consistently hitting the slow steady stretching moving signals.  Not so fast girl........not so fast.
So here I sit eating yogurt and a big slice of humble pie.  The things I did?  Made the bed, showered, dressed, load of laundry in, fed the cats, trash out, fresh litter good to go, swept the kitchen...........grabbed keys to go outside.......so I could load stuff into the trunk.  It was hard to breathe......I leaned over the trunk and chilled.  Bruce came round the corner and busted me dead to rights.  He said "What were you doing?" 
"The usual, just trying to do it too fast."     doh, said my inner bert simpson.  eejit.
I wasn't awake enough to ascertain my level of ability.  Pushed myself to fast.  After being in bed for the better part of several days?  Can't just dive into the deep end.  Gotta be an ankle wader. 
Not gonna lie........see when I get winded, I get a little skittish..........I've had pulmonary embolisms and d.v.t.'s.........spending a lot of time in bed is bad for anyone long term for various reasons.  One can be blood clots.......our bodies need to move and stretch, walk and flex.  I always make sure that I walk a little bit every day, nothing major, but I rise and do things to keep my blood pumping.  Get circulation. 
Winded can mean doing to much too fast after being in bed for an extended period, but I have that niggling fear that it's perhaps a clot.  As I leaned over the trunk I was seeking calm with prayer, slow even breathing........seeking poise.......the three C's.......calm, cool and collected.  It only took a few minutes.........my cheeks remained bright.......apple cheeks.  I've always been like that. 
Little midwestern girl with natural blush...........and of course I hated it.  Any exercise and the blush comes.....I want to be a 3 c's girl......not red faced.  My Mom had ways of trying to make me feel better.......to love having fair skin......skinny feet......being a skinny minnie.  I was a slow developer, with sigh..... coke bottle glasses growing up..........took me a long time to turn into a real girl.  All my pals were mysteriously becoming women and I was a skinny stick. 
My high school boyfriend and I saw each other a few years later, I had just turned 20...........and he stared, said, "Whoa".........still makes me laugh.  He said something like "this doesn't seem fair, when did all this happen?" 
Still cracks me up......I told him I got sent to a factory where they install curves and he fell out laughing........such a stupid story to remember.  I even remember what I wore.......a soft green sweater and an off white skirt......I felt so self conscious cause he kept staring. I asked him if he had ever seen a girl before.......and he said you were always pretty, but whoa."  (yup, he was a sweetie) 
We were sweethearts......we met when I was 15 and he was 17.  We met at a five & dime store, he worked there and I was buying thread.  He made me so nervous, butterflies, shaky knees, stumbling over my words.......I was falling hard from that day forward.  He graduated and headed into college .......but in our same town.  He broke it off for awhile and then we got together.......and broke up and got together and then I broke it off for good........he was the first serious boyfriend in my life.  The first corsage, the first necklace, the first ring when he asked me to be his girl........the first roses........the first real kiss.  The first time a boy said "I love you." --- I thought I would die of pure happiness.
Lots of tender memories, he was very handsome and I had fallen hard.  Like a lot of girls then I had long hair parted down the middle, wire frame glasses (think John Lennon) and super long widebottom jeans that drug on the ground.  There was this one style of shoe that was popular then.  Tan suede ties ups with rubber soles.......I've seen then make a comeback every now and again.  They were butt ugly to me then and now......but like a lot of kids I was caught in the tide of rebelling by conforming to the standards set by my piers.  LOL..........so true! 
I am sure when my mother saw me wearing dresses again in my late teens.......closer to twenty she must have been relieved......she was such a lady and to see me dragging around in patched up holy jeans with embroidery, peace signs and flannel sewn on the hems to make them even longer. I know it was hard for her to see her beautiful daughter going around in those "godawful jeans."  Mom rarely  took the Lords name in vain, so when she said that I know she was very upset. 
My parents had their share of loud exchanges growing up......and we, their tribe of offspring, made for a very noisy household........but about some things not a lot was said.  My parents didn't forbid me to wear the jeans or yell at me about them..........it was subdued, quiet......disappointed.  The jeans back then were one of my biggest first things in trying on my own identity looking back.  There were lots of tests and trials out there.......parties brought alcohol and marijuana and the big pressures to try things way out out our youthful depth. Our brains were still growing.......we were just kids.  I was a slow bloomer in lots of ways.  Had several boyfriends before I experienced my first kiss. 
I started liking boys.......and then I liked certain boys and then I liked THEE boy.......life gets complicated so fast.  Every generation is faced with huge changes in the world.  And the generation ahead of them always thinks that their time growing up was different, simpler.  To me, we are always evolving, the challenges are always right in our faces........we need to keep good parenting at the forefront.  Help our kids develop decision making skills, a healthy self love........give them a soft place to land when they fall and enough structure so they don't feel too lost as they learn and recover from their mistakes. The ten commandments, lessons I learned in church taught me a great deal, from forgiveness to caution to common sense and a healthy sense of humor too.
How did I get from that first word above to this point?  No clue.......I've been gently grieving the death of that sweet boy who was so tender and gentle and kind to me.  The boy who made me laugh so hard....I'll tell you one thing that made me laugh so hard.
There was a hit song at the time, "Hello lamp post whatcha' knowin', I've come to watch your flowers  growing".......the chorus was, "looking for fun and feeling groovy."  simon and garfunkel right?  think so.....well my boyfriend used to sing, "looking for fun and feeling ruthie." then he would tickle me in the ribs til I couldn't breathe.  It was foolish and innocent.........reading his word change now... in the world we inhabit today, it sounds naughty.....like the boy was up to no good.  He was just being silly and I never hear that song without hearing my name in it........dumb, but true.  One of those little private jokes that you carry with you forever.  we were so young - so innocent.
he was the sweet boy who gave me treasured flowers and special firsts....... momentoes to carry with me forever.  Time to savor and appreciate..Sweeter now that I am older......looking back he was a fine young man......or as my little sisters called him, "Mr. Cool."  I learned that he passed in 2010 and the grief hits me now and again.........makes me sad.  So young an age for him to die..............in January of 2010 he turned 56. 
I feel alot better than I did when I sat down, breathing good, took a muscle relaxer, so I'm drowsy but not conking out.  Needed pain relief stat, that's the other reason I was leaning on the car, those dratted muscle spasms.  attention hogs is what they are. 
bruce took my trash down for me and got my mail........that is soooooooooooooo sweet.  i surely do appreciate that!  soon i think i will be able to catch up on some of your journals...........i am praying for you, sending hugs out across the fields, over the rivers, through the woods and across oceans to you this fine beautiful day................................take good care of you, you're mighty precious!
bird girl of the north Georgia woods