Struggling with strong feelings of wanting to die

I have no immediate support around me and have just recently returned to a living environment which makes me feel mentally unsafe. I've been told by people that I should be grateful to have a roof over my head and gratful that I have people financially helping me but how am I supposed to feel greatful in an environment that makes me feel its better to die than to struggle through it?

I'm trying so hard to be ok. 

I'm afraid to talk to doctors about it here in the UK because the immediate instinct after listening to someone for 10 minutes is to stuff them with psychosymatic medicaiton and call it a day. 

I am convinced that the only reason I feel this way is because I have no actual helpful support and the environment is not safe mentally, so why am I the one who has to shove medication down my throat in order to accomodate other people??

Right now I really want to die. It's weird because I don't want to kill myself but I really want to die right now.