Struggling with my reflection
The struggle with self reflection. Seeing old issues in a new way. Finding oppourtunities to do better and do the right thing. The feeling of being alone while attempting to correct old ways and habits. This battle from within is huge. I yearn for her. I need her. I want to change and want her advice.
Pride and selfishness is what got us here.
Is it over? It certainly feels like it. I have not completely given up hope. The empty hugs. The quick peck style kiss good by. I miss the passionate kisses we shared nightly as I leave for work or snuggling up next to each other on the weekend in the same bed. This house is not a home right now. We both walk on eggshells when we are near. I not wanted to appear to be pushy or to control the situation. Her, I don't know since I created an unsafe enviroment through my abusive ways. She is on lock down.
I must be patient! The fear of the unknow is ripping me apart from the inside. She is still under the same roof as I am so something is keeping her here for now.
Not sure if any of the above makes much sense. I am having a hard time typing and reading right now. I just feel the need to reach out.
Pride and selfishness is what got us here.
Is it over? It certainly feels like it. I have not completely given up hope. The empty hugs. The quick peck style kiss good by. I miss the passionate kisses we shared nightly as I leave for work or snuggling up next to each other on the weekend in the same bed. This house is not a home right now. We both walk on eggshells when we are near. I not wanted to appear to be pushy or to control the situation. Her, I don't know since I created an unsafe enviroment through my abusive ways. She is on lock down.
I must be patient! The fear of the unknow is ripping me apart from the inside. She is still under the same roof as I am so something is keeping her here for now.
Not sure if any of the above makes much sense. I am having a hard time typing and reading right now. I just feel the need to reach out.
Replies
Sometimes self-reflection overwhelms us, particularly during the night, when we are alone. Tomorrow\'s another day. Somebody once said, \"We are fortunate that God gives us an unlimited number of fresh starts. Every day is a new one.\" Find something to do tomorrow and let your brain process your emotions on its own for a few hours. We are here for you. Will check in with you tomorrow.
You are so very right. I thank God for that very fact. Thank you !
She should totally read those words. Perhaps if she saw your heart in that way it would have an effect.
I\'m the CS. I read your journals and itwas and is my life, my husband writing your journals. We live your life as you. We are on a parallel path. If your W feels like me, she is ashamed, guilt ridden. and doesn\'t know what to do....paralyzed, just as you. I wish I had magic works for you. I don\'t. What I can tell you is to continue to work on yourself and be there for each other.