Struggling
I haven't slept much. Up late last night and early this morning.... Struggling... I felt somewhat optimistic a couple of days ago when I posted. I assume I will find my way again, but right now... I'm hurting and its bad. I watched 60 Minutes last night. The segment called The Whistle Blower really hits home with me. I'm not sorry that 60 minutes aired their report even though its reawakened a lot of the pain I live with regarding my daughter's death. I apologize for dragging my sadness into your day. I just feel so desperately sad and alone right now I can hardly breathe. I know that there are others in this group who lost their child(ren) to drug use/abuse and my heart aches for all of us. Too often it feels like people feel like this was a choice our children made and therefore not a great loss to us or the world. Its just not so. My daughter was 25 years old when her struggle with addiction began. Safely beyond the teenage years struggles and temptations I thought my child was safe from addiction. Not so. Opioid addiction is dragging down people of all ages from all walks of life. The pharmaceutical companies, doctors, pharmacies, our lawmakers and everyone associated with these industries are killing our loved ones. My daughter died in 2006. Long story short; she started using pain pills after a car accident in 2002. I have been telling people for almost 11 years that my daughter was killed by legalized drug pushers, and by apathy. We begged for help for Cara. She wanted help. Everywhere we tried to get help was short term. There were no long term facilities available for her. It seemed like no one cared. She did not die of a drug overdose. She was hit and killed by a car. Cara was not safely at home that dreadful morning. She was on the access ramp walking up to the interstate here in Baton Rouge, brought to that place and time by her addictions. Last night I saw as she died once again in my mind's eye. I am grateful that Mr. Rannazzisi tried to stop the pharmaceutical companies. If people in the DEA have sold out we are as helpless now as our family was then to help stop the pharmaceutical companies from killing our loved ones. This is a bitter fact I face once again.
Replies
I'm so sorry - There is so much that needs to be done in this area - it seems like sometimes, everyone just points the finger @ everyone else and in the mean time, there are daughters and sons struggling.
It has to be so disheartening for you to listen and hear the hypocrisy that is displayed and the walls, that stop people who want to make a difference, a change, for all of us.
I pray for moments of peace and comfort for you today - standing with you, Cara's mom.
(((((hugs)))) Vicki, Jennifer's mom.
I walk beside you with this every step of the way and it is a national epidemic and if the medical profession does not see it as such and take the necessary steps we will continue to have so many lives lost.
I remember calling out the doctor who wrote the numerous prescriptions for my son and in vast quantities when he had back surgery and became addicted and I did all that I could. He had no prior violations and I even had law enforcement involved. I felt that I had to do something and it went no where that I knew of. I at least filed a complaint and was told it was on record because I felt I had to try to do something. I remember feeling so very "small" in the web of the pharmaceutical industry when I was pursuing this, yet doing nothing did not feel like a choice either.
I'm so sorry for our Cara, Douglas and millions of others who suffer from addiction and someone had better change and NOW!
Loving care your way dearest Elissa, and I'm grateful that you have expressed how you are feeling and doing.
Stillness and Peace in the midst is always my hope and my prayer,
XO Joanie
I haven't talked about it much, but I believe Cassi was wrongly medicated and over-medicated. I didn't know what she was taking because she kept so much from me at the end and she was 22, so her doctor wouldn't talk to me without her consent. But 7 months before...I was informed by the grandmother of a friend of Cassi's that she had overdosed and was in the hospital. I had not heard from her in 3 days and was hysterical. Her friends were not answering my calls. No one would talk to me for fear of making her so angry and they thought they could handle her. But finally, I talked to the grandmother and Cassi's friend had told her what had happened and she told me. So I was hysterical, of course, and we drove the 2 hours to get to her. She blew it off, would not take it seriously at all. I found out later that the very medication she had overdosed on, klonopin, had not only been prescribed to her again by her doctor but he had increased the dosage...knowing she had overdosed on it. The day she left, she took her whole bottle...I have always thought she did it to get up the nerve to do what she did. But there is no question, she meant it. If she could have gotten through that day, life could have been totally different. She had been depressed for a long time, but that day at that time she was in a whole different place of despair...and I don't have the question...it was deliberate. However, the drugs influenced it, I have no doubt and maybe if they had not been available...you just never know. None of this is easy.
Tight hugs....♡
Love to you and dearest Cara, Linda