struggling...

to everyone I seem happy and anyone who knows cannot believe the amount of stress and unhappiness I go through. I must hide it well.

friends say leave him, it will be ok but even after everything he is still the father of my children and in some ways I hope still the man I fell in love with.. Naive I have been told, but if I lose complete hope it would t be the person I am...

we met almost 10 years ago and i knew from the moment I met him that he was it for me... Little did I realise that once his dad died, just how much he could sink into the hole he has been digging.

empty and broken promises are all I have right now.. Our marriage is broken and I honestly dont know how to fix it anymore. Or if I even want to if I am completely honest with myself.

according to my husband, my expectations of him are too high and he can't ever do anything right in my eyes. Is it so bad to see the good in him that could be great....

sex is non existent in our lives which is a huge problem. Apparently I use it as a weapon against him. Truth be told I don't want to be physical with someone who at this stage doesn't fill my emotional needs in anyway but to break my heart time and again.. I see how he carries on with our kids and can't help but wonder what I did wrong.. He doesn't help with things and wonders why I freak out.

tells me he doesn't want to be home but when I tale offense he says its not that he doesn't want to be with me.. Not sure how its not offensive..

he lies constantly and then tries to turn it around and make me feel guilty for catching him in a lie...

I am so not sure of anything anymore,except that I need to protect our kids... Does that make me a bad person?