struggling

im up watchin cnn.  i so wanted 2 b with my dh.  i called him. he came home straight away. no stops.  and when he got here and we started 2 get close.  i was flooded w/ doubts.  anxious.  anxiety washed over me.  what doubts.  what fears.  fear that the sex wld b unsatisfying as it has bn lately.  its rare and lately i feel like im not getting my fair share of enjoyment. i fl cheated.  right  now the house is dirty.  i was doing so well.  we had a bday party & i was tired & sad...notquite depressed. and now the house is dirty & i dont wanna clean it & no one else will.  i sometimes fl lk it  doesnt matter.  i care.  i shd lv alone.  so i guess i dont fl worthy.  im looking 4 a job.  im not sure if even want a job.  im looking @ something p/t so i can go 2 school.  i fl so stuck.  id like 2 have my own biz.  i had the book thing.  im making crafts.  havent listed them yet.  plan 2 list on ebay.  i do not have a clear vision of a biz 4 me.  i am honestly still dabbling & hoping  4 a vision.  i fl lk a dissapointment on all fronts.  it bothers me that i make dinner most nights and my dh rarely says its good.  he says its allright.  i cant cook everything 2 his taste.  hes not so healthy.  i already only cook like a few dif meals.  anyway. why do i care.  i try 2 cook good and healthy meals. he only likes canned green beans.  when i make fresh he doesnt eat them.  he likes fresh corn.  thats about it.  i dont wanna completely ignore his needs.  he likes so few things & i lk 2 experiment sometimes.  he doesnt mind.  i guess i nd 2 not mind either.  im not gonna b able 2 get up in the morning. im determined 2 workout 2morrow. i havent all wk.  i made some money 2day.  i did 2 mystery shops.  last minute...so they pay 40 each.  its something.  praise God.