Stressed Out Day

Therapy went well... We talked and she and I decided that I should think about going into the hospital if things don't get better soon. The mood and energy swings are getting bad, and the headaches are still there. Last night was a migraine, tonight it's a tension headache. I'm not surprised, since on the bus I was stressed out like crazy. I was worried I was going to be late for my appointment, and then I get there and my therapist tells me I have to wait anyway. I was so frustrated! All that frustration and stress just to be told I have to wait. I could have gone to Subway before I went to the session and ate on the bus on the way home. Instead, I had to go to Subway afterward and eat. I ate the whole foot long sub, too. It wasn't stress eating, it was me trying to get some calories into me. It backfired, though, since I didn't eat dinner because I wasn't hungry. I met my calorie goal for the day, though. I guess that's the main thing that matters.
I woke up today planning on going to work since I was hypomanic. I got dressed in my work clothes and walked the three quarters of a mile to the bus (I didn't want to take the close bus because it I would have missed my connection it turns out). I was up before 6am after going to sleep at 11. I took some klonopin to make myself go back to sleep after a while because I knew it's a recipe for disaster if I don't get my sleep. Even still, I didn't get my full night's sleep. I had to come home from therapy and take a nap. I wanted to go to work, but I knew that it would have been a mistake, and not only that I was crashing by that time anyway (energy level crashing).
I'm just sick and tired of these mood and energy swings. I know it's because I'm in a mixed phase, but I need more medication or something to get it to stop. Geo doesn't quite understand how frustrating it is, but it's getting to be more than I can bear. I'm not going to do anything stupid, I know better, but I think going to the hospital on Sunday is the best thing. I have to wait until then because I have to go grocery shopping on Saturday when we get our food stamps. Geo doesn't have food to eat to last until I get out, so it's best for me to go to the store so I don't get stressed out about him. It's better for me to go to the store because I can walk better and I make better food choices.
I'm tired. I just want to go to sleep, but Geo is napping and I told him I would wake him at 10. I know if I go to sleep this early it's just a recipe for disaster anyway, but I need to wake up early tomorrow to go to work. I didn't go in today, I can't miss tomorrow. I wasn't scheduled to go in today, and I told them I wasn't coming in, but I still feel bad for not going in. I take volunteering very seriously, and my therapist says that's a good thing in some ways, like it shows them I'm responsible, but at the same time it's just volunteering and not a real job so not to stress out so much about it. I'm just full of stress today. I guess that's why I have a tension headache. I need to take something for it, but I'm trying to wait until I lie down so that way it will work into the middle of the night. I've been waking up with headaches in the middle of the night anyway, so I want something to work into the middle of the night. If I take it now, it will wear off before I normally wake up and I will wake up early with a headache. So the later I take the Tylenol, the better.
Food today was good, like I said above. I met my calorie goal of the day. I ate almost all my calories at lunch, so I don't know how good that was for me, but that was the choice I made and I have to live with it. I think I'm going to gain weight, but oh well. I had a salty meatball sub from Subway, so I have to battle water weight again. I had a chicken thigh and a Greek yogurt for breakfast, too, so I'm high on protein for the day. I still am too full to eat my chicken, I think I'm just going to save both pieces for breakfast tomorrow. Stress like I talked about above was horrible, off the charts. I wanted to yell and scream at people on the bus for pulling the cord to signal their stop. I just didn't want to be late, and it was all for nothing. I have to remember that, that it's not worth it to get all frustrated over something I don't have control over. Mood was bad today because of it. I just wasn't feeling well, and being stressed all day didn't help. The nap helped, I feel better now, but I don't know how I'm going to feel tomorrow. I hope I sleep tonight and tomorrow morning. Lately it's been the mornings that have been the trouble. I just guess I have to take more klonopin to make me go back to sleep.



Good that you had a good session with the therapist and you feel good about going into the hospital.
A month or so ago I went to a physical therapist for a knee problem and during a conversation about the benefits of exercises he suggested 10 minutes or so of stretch exercises at bedtime to sleep better. It works wonders for me and I no longer wake up other that the night time potty visits.

good your therapy was production and open and that the both of you think it is the right time for ip., i hope you dont have to stay to long. does this therapist know how often and the different amts. of klonopin you take. as far as i know, klonopin is a measured dose, a certain mg. throughout the day. i take it 3 times a day and only the prescribed amt. just worried about you as it is a controlled substance. its a shame you had to shop because you walk better. couldnt geo have taken the bus like you or gotten the use of his fathers car? you do so much and that is adding to your stress. you sound ready to exlode, i have times like that too, when you wrote about the bus wire, i smiled as i can get so angry at those kind of things and where does it get us, no where. keep us posted about sunday and how long youll be there. take good care and many hugss