Stress Is Hurting My Chest
I am so stressed out. I actually don't even know if it's stress. It could be just pure, unknown emotion that is crushing my esophogus in it's talon tipped icy cold fingers, so I can't breathe, and crowding my chest so my lungs are battered.
I feel overwhelmed, and it's getting worse and worse.
Today for instance. Marlow wakes up at 5am!! So I go to take her back to bed and Joey completely steam rolls me and takes her into our bed. Marlow does not sleep well. She tossed and turned, kicking me in the head and back, until 615am. Upon which she exclaimed she had to go pee. I spend ALL day with Marlow, I'm starting to recognize when she actually has to go and when she is faking it. She did not have to go. But Joey snaps at me and tells me to get out of bed. I tell him she doesn't have to go, so he proceeds to call me pathetic and take her to the washroom. Upon when she DID NOT pee, but he lied and said she did.
I have to be up for the day by 645am at the latest. But I get up right after the washroom fiasco and take Marlow and lay her back in her bed. So she goes back to sleep, but my day is starting and I cannot go back to sleep. My first drop off of the day is at 7am. So I get the first two kids, I'm exhausted, and for some random reason the kids are just chalk full of piss and vinegar. So I spend an hour trying to keep them quiet and at 8am Marlow wakes up.
830 I get another drop off. So I'm up to 4 kids, 3 are two years old. 9am the last drop off, a six month old baby.
I spend my day changing diapers, feeding snacks, cleaning up toys, wiping fingers and faces, napping, bottle feeding, and reading, playing and entertaining.
Finally at 630pm my last kid goes home. And Joey didn't help me with supper. At all. I started it at about 530, I feed the last kid supper, so we ate at about 6 and he didn't even get off his ass to help. So I ended up overcooking the potatoes a little bit, and he actaully had the audacity to point it out! Then he gets all bitchy because he has no clean sweat pants. Yea, I'm sorry...somehow laundry didn't fit into my day today.
Then Marlow has an accident, and he tells me she had one...and taht's it! He doesn't wipe her up, he doesn't clean up the mess. He just lays there and watches TV.
He did bath her, I demanded he do it. But I got her cornstarched, dressed, teeth brushed, and in bed. Early mind you...so I am going to PAY for it tomorrow but I NEEDED a break!
But my break consists of having to load the dishwasher, wipe down the kitchen chairs (little fingers touch everything!) clean up any toys, I still have to plan tomorrow. I have garbage to take out, I fed the pets. He has sat and watched TV the whole time. Because don't you know, he already did his work.
And I have TRIED talking to him about it...numerous times! And he just doesn't get it! He pretty much brushes it aside and tells me my job isn't that hard. And I'm home, so I should have no problem keeping it clean and shiny, cooking a good supper and making sure he has clean laundry.
And then my MIL!! GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH.
Marlow has been doing really really good at potty training. She had two accidents today, both partially my fault, but before that, no accidents in five days. Not even when we are out and about. Only night time oopsies.
But she will not leave alone the fact that Marlow is too young. She tells me to my face that I am pushing her to hard and she will be potty trained even later now because 2 is waaay to young.
She raises her grandsons...and the 9 year old...still isn't night time potty trained. He wore diapers until he was 5 when the school forced her to potty train him. But she claimed he wasn't ready. I'm sorry, my daughter is not wearing depends at almost 10 because I didn't want to 'push' her.
Marlow showed all the signs, and she is doing great. She hasn't been in a diaper in over two weeks. Just training panties when she sleeps. Our only major complication is she is getting her very first diaper rash....when she is out of diapers lol. If I was pushing her so hard would she be doing so well? If I was damaging her wouldn't she show signs of stress and be upset at the mention of the potty?
MY daughter, MY choice. But she can't accept that it seems...grrrr
Plus we are major in the hole financially and Christmas is right around the corner. Joey's hours have been cut, and despite my long days, we are just covering billls...but not before going into the red and then having his paycheck pull us back out to even.
It feels like it's coming from all sides, and I'm swimming in jello. I'm pushing and struggling but I'm just going......nowhere.
I feel overwhelmed, and it's getting worse and worse.
Today for instance. Marlow wakes up at 5am!! So I go to take her back to bed and Joey completely steam rolls me and takes her into our bed. Marlow does not sleep well. She tossed and turned, kicking me in the head and back, until 615am. Upon which she exclaimed she had to go pee. I spend ALL day with Marlow, I'm starting to recognize when she actually has to go and when she is faking it. She did not have to go. But Joey snaps at me and tells me to get out of bed. I tell him she doesn't have to go, so he proceeds to call me pathetic and take her to the washroom. Upon when she DID NOT pee, but he lied and said she did.
I have to be up for the day by 645am at the latest. But I get up right after the washroom fiasco and take Marlow and lay her back in her bed. So she goes back to sleep, but my day is starting and I cannot go back to sleep. My first drop off of the day is at 7am. So I get the first two kids, I'm exhausted, and for some random reason the kids are just chalk full of piss and vinegar. So I spend an hour trying to keep them quiet and at 8am Marlow wakes up.
830 I get another drop off. So I'm up to 4 kids, 3 are two years old. 9am the last drop off, a six month old baby.
I spend my day changing diapers, feeding snacks, cleaning up toys, wiping fingers and faces, napping, bottle feeding, and reading, playing and entertaining.
Finally at 630pm my last kid goes home. And Joey didn't help me with supper. At all. I started it at about 530, I feed the last kid supper, so we ate at about 6 and he didn't even get off his ass to help. So I ended up overcooking the potatoes a little bit, and he actaully had the audacity to point it out! Then he gets all bitchy because he has no clean sweat pants. Yea, I'm sorry...somehow laundry didn't fit into my day today.
Then Marlow has an accident, and he tells me she had one...and taht's it! He doesn't wipe her up, he doesn't clean up the mess. He just lays there and watches TV.
He did bath her, I demanded he do it. But I got her cornstarched, dressed, teeth brushed, and in bed. Early mind you...so I am going to PAY for it tomorrow but I NEEDED a break!
But my break consists of having to load the dishwasher, wipe down the kitchen chairs (little fingers touch everything!) clean up any toys, I still have to plan tomorrow. I have garbage to take out, I fed the pets. He has sat and watched TV the whole time. Because don't you know, he already did his work.
And I have TRIED talking to him about it...numerous times! And he just doesn't get it! He pretty much brushes it aside and tells me my job isn't that hard. And I'm home, so I should have no problem keeping it clean and shiny, cooking a good supper and making sure he has clean laundry.
And then my MIL!! GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH.
Marlow has been doing really really good at potty training. She had two accidents today, both partially my fault, but before that, no accidents in five days. Not even when we are out and about. Only night time oopsies.
But she will not leave alone the fact that Marlow is too young. She tells me to my face that I am pushing her to hard and she will be potty trained even later now because 2 is waaay to young.
She raises her grandsons...and the 9 year old...still isn't night time potty trained. He wore diapers until he was 5 when the school forced her to potty train him. But she claimed he wasn't ready. I'm sorry, my daughter is not wearing depends at almost 10 because I didn't want to 'push' her.
Marlow showed all the signs, and she is doing great. She hasn't been in a diaper in over two weeks. Just training panties when she sleeps. Our only major complication is she is getting her very first diaper rash....when she is out of diapers lol. If I was pushing her so hard would she be doing so well? If I was damaging her wouldn't she show signs of stress and be upset at the mention of the potty?
MY daughter, MY choice. But she can't accept that it seems...grrrr
Plus we are major in the hole financially and Christmas is right around the corner. Joey's hours have been cut, and despite my long days, we are just covering billls...but not before going into the red and then having his paycheck pull us back out to even.
It feels like it's coming from all sides, and I'm swimming in jello. I'm pushing and struggling but I'm just going......nowhere.
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