Strength dissolving
I was infused with righteous anger Thursday evening when I found another text. And I still can revive that anger, but maintaining my hard face and hard heart towards my H is growing more difficult. I am suffering the loneliness now. I suffer not knowing where he is because I refuse to talk to him, so he tries to avoid being home. He will probably move out at last today or tomorrow and I KNOW it's necessary, but ttho reality of it will kill me. In 22 years we have NEVER gone this long without talking. ( and its only been 36 hours).
I KNOW I deserve better than this. I deserve honesty, but I keep thinking there must be a way to fix him. I want a magical cure. he claims he wants to change but doesn't know what to do. How bout start with counseling? He has gone on his own before. Horrible counselor. We have gone together also, and I thought it had helped, but I guess not. Does that mean all counseling is pointless? What about sex addiction treatment? Is it real? Can it work? Is he an alcoholIc? Probably. He always drinks more than others at social occasions, except tween we hang out with people on that same playing field. He also goes to the bar in the mornings when I go to church. I am serious, and that has always concerned me. That's how my alcoholic father was. But my dad was drunk almost every day. My H is only drunk on the weekends, and even then not slurry or mean or obnoxious. I guess it shouldn't even be my problem anymore. I don't know what to think. I don't know what he's told the other woman. Maybe she knows more about him than I do, but I doubt it because he spent 95% of his time with me. We did almost everything together. Except the Sunday morning bar and the Tuesday bowling night.
maybe I hold him to high a standard, to a place he is not comfortable. I am more educated, hold a professional job, etc. But I have NEVER belittled him air made him feel inferior. After all, he has qualities I admire so greatly. His kindness is unmatched by anyone else I know. In fact, when my friends complain about their Hs not doing anything for them, I would beam knowing how wonderful mine was. Oh, well......................nothing to say at this point.
I KNOW I deserve better than this. I deserve honesty, but I keep thinking there must be a way to fix him. I want a magical cure. he claims he wants to change but doesn't know what to do. How bout start with counseling? He has gone on his own before. Horrible counselor. We have gone together also, and I thought it had helped, but I guess not. Does that mean all counseling is pointless? What about sex addiction treatment? Is it real? Can it work? Is he an alcoholIc? Probably. He always drinks more than others at social occasions, except tween we hang out with people on that same playing field. He also goes to the bar in the mornings when I go to church. I am serious, and that has always concerned me. That's how my alcoholic father was. But my dad was drunk almost every day. My H is only drunk on the weekends, and even then not slurry or mean or obnoxious. I guess it shouldn't even be my problem anymore. I don't know what to think. I don't know what he's told the other woman. Maybe she knows more about him than I do, but I doubt it because he spent 95% of his time with me. We did almost everything together. Except the Sunday morning bar and the Tuesday bowling night.
maybe I hold him to high a standard, to a place he is not comfortable. I am more educated, hold a professional job, etc. But I have NEVER belittled him air made him feel inferior. After all, he has qualities I admire so greatly. His kindness is unmatched by anyone else I know. In fact, when my friends complain about their Hs not doing anything for them, I would beam knowing how wonderful mine was. Oh, well......................nothing to say at this point.
Replies
WEll, having lived around an alcoholic Dad, could be a reason you have so much patience, and acceptance for your H. Anything better than D, looks good. Sunday morning to a bar, is a bit unusual. How opposite can a couple be? One goes to church, the other to drown sorrows???
He\'s not coping in reality. Yes, interview some new counselors, and don\'t just pick anyone! They are getting used to clients being pickier. A bad counselor is equivalent to no counselor. Please make that a priority for him, to help him uncover his real self, real desires, real strengths/weaknesses, and then to deliver a game plan as to how to build better constructive coping mechanisms. Did his Dad drink too or mom? Just curious!
And oftentimes, men are intimidated when their wives have completed college and they have not! His self-esteem may be lower, he may be one to compare too much, and that can be a cycle of self-destruction, especially if you haven\'t ever brought it up! Seems like you are a strong woman, yet have babied him far too much, and he\'s confused you for his Mama, and will continue to, if you keep on bailing him out, and forgiving him, when he needs to get a wake up call, and change this destructive behavior, which is very self-defeating for himself, you, and your kids!