strange day
I don't know, today was a strange day. I went into town and decided to go and study in the library (I no longer have people to study with now). It just felt really lonely sitting there by myself. I used to study with my ex in the library and sometimes my thoughts would drift and I would wonder why on earth she is doing this to me.
I decided to move to a coffee shop instead, but there were people everywhere and I don't know I just sat there and looked at everybody and felt like I didn't have a place here. It's so strange to be back in my country, because it doesn't feel like my home anymore. I found myself wishing that I was having coffee with my ex, and doing this and that. I don't know, sometimes when you are in a relationship you can fantasize about being single (grass is greener on the other side), but I don't really want to be single, it's kind of depressing.
It also means that at some point I will have to put myself back out there. Oh God, that brings it's own set of anxiety too. I just thought I had found the one and that i didn't have to go through this kind of crap anymore.
I decided to move to a coffee shop instead, but there were people everywhere and I don't know I just sat there and looked at everybody and felt like I didn't have a place here. It's so strange to be back in my country, because it doesn't feel like my home anymore. I found myself wishing that I was having coffee with my ex, and doing this and that. I don't know, sometimes when you are in a relationship you can fantasize about being single (grass is greener on the other side), but I don't really want to be single, it's kind of depressing.
It also means that at some point I will have to put myself back out there. Oh God, that brings it's own set of anxiety too. I just thought I had found the one and that i didn't have to go through this kind of crap anymore.
Replies
I thought I could see down the road of my life, we had talked a lot about growing old together. We\'d point to older couples as we passed them and smile and kiss, saying that would be us in 20 years. Apparently he took a detour without me though and now there\'s a major curve in the road of my life. Heck, a hairpin turn \'cause it feels like I\'m practically looping backwards. So yeah, I\'ll be joining you at some point in the whole being back out there. Which just plain sucks. Sigh.
It sounds like the places you\'re picking to go to study are ones that you went to with her. How about trying someplace that you didn\'t go with her? Cut out places and activities that bring back echoes of when you were together. At least for now, while everything\'s a bit too fresh.