Stopped

Just stopped a binge.  I've been stressed all week: school, family, friend.  I just got done with a big assignment for class, my mom and I had an argument about how she wants to fill my three week break from school for the whole year with family stuff, and my friend started giving me a hard time because I didn't want to go out and drink tonight.  I told everyone I was busy with someone else and sat down to drink alone and eat.  Not that I drink an excessive amount.  I had dinner, then a snack, and then as I was cooking another dinner.  I was pacing the house, trying to clear my head.  Not that there was a specific set of thoughts, just the whole thing was racing.  I caught myself thinking how it would be so nice to just eat everything and throw it up.  So I dumped out the rest of my drinks and put the food in the fridge.  I called another friend and made plans to get out of the house and not be alone for the rest of the evening.
I was talking to my close friend, the one that I made dinner with last week.  Tonight is one of his and his ex's mutual friend's 21st birthday.  He was going to have to hang with his ex and she had just become single, and he was going to stay strong and act like everything was fine until everyone else went to bed and then he was going to cry.  All I could think about while driving home today is how I wish he didn't have to feel like that.  I wish no one had to feel like that.  It makes me want to cry, but I can't, because I broke myself.  Or from my perfect state of mind, it's because no one likes to see someone be sad, so I don't express sadness.
I was also talking to another friend last night about how I was feeling down the last few nights.  She told me she wants me to get help and she wants to help me do it since I can't force myself on my own.  I know I have to go do something about everything, but the thought of having to talk about it with someone I don't know makes my head cloudy.  I'm scared, because I also have to talk to my parents about it because I'm on their insurance still.
But anyways, I didn't binge, I didn't purge.  It's a small victory, but a victory none-the-less.