Stop and Smell the Roses
I've recently taken to the habit of picking up trash when I walk around my neighborhood. Since I walk to and from my place at least twice a week to go tutoring, I figured I could. It's a mixed feeling. It's depressing to see how much random nasty things are just lying around, the pieces of plastics and bright colored unnatural things, the kind of stuff that'd stay there for hundreds or thousands of years if no one ever got rid of it. I also wonder how much of a difference I'm really making, since it's going to a landfill where it'll sit anyway. Finally it perplexes me why all of this moral thinky stuff intrudes into my brain whenever I try to do something nice anyway, it confuses me so much that in the past I just stopped doing that nice thing because I didn't want to think about it. That might happen here. Honestly I just don't want there to be crap all over my neighborhood, I crouch behind benches and under bushes to pull out filthy things sometimes, moldy bottles and old caps. Maybe I'm going a little far there. I even brought a bag out today to collect trash in since fistfuls weren't enough, and filled the whole thing. Honestly my neighborhood doesn't have too much of a trash problem, but I don't think it's wrong to contribute a bit since I'm passing by.
Otherwise, I've begun writing a monthly record of the money I spend and recieve, to better keep track. Don't know what those are called at all, actually. I'm also trying to manage my time better by ranking tasks in order of time and importance, which has been surprisingly very helpful. I'm being flooded with homework, I often feel I have no time to myself or my feelings anymore, and I am emotionally lagging behind and exhausted. And feeling alone and far away from other people.
I just wanted to think of a few nice things. I am okay. I am everything I need to be.