still worrying

Okay, I know this may seem a little off balanced.  All of this weekend has been great--my H has been out of town going to a wedding for his friend, my kids and I have had a blast, so what's there to complain about? There should be nothing.  Yet, I can't quench this gnawing pit of worry in my stomach that my H is actually out with another woman.  Why should I care?  We've already agreed that we're getting a divorce.  So it shouldn't matter, right? The sad thing is, when I told him I wanted a divorce, in no way did that mean that I no longer loved him.  It just meant that I could no longer live with him.  Sick as it is, I know I will always have heart strings tied to this man.  But I knew that it would never be fair to him, as I could no longer love him in the way that I used to.  Still, the thought of him and another woman is not something I think I can bear at this moment.  And honestly, I wouldn't have worried so much about his absence except for a few things: 1) He told me the wedding was going to be on Friday at 1:00.  That's why he had to leave Thursday evening. However, when my son called him at 7:30 Friday night, my H told him the wedding was just beginning. Why did he lie about that? 2) He originally said that he was going to come back on Saturday.  After all, his friend was going to be gone away on a honeymoon.  Magically, Saturday became Sunday.  What was he doing?  3)I don't know what he was doing, but it was obiously no good.  Twice Saturday night, my son tried to call him.  Instead, my H just kept texting him back, instead of physically calling him.  Makes me wonder what he didn't want our son to hear.  4) He is now planning to move to Oklahoma City, where he has spent this weekend.  OK City is 5 hours away from our kids.  I know he has his friend there to get him up and started, and he says that he could get a good paying job there.  But there are plenty of other cities much closer where he could get the same thing.  As much as I despise his acts, I can't bear the thought of our kids having their father so far away.  And according to them, neither can they.   What's probably even more sicker is that I'm still caught up in the same worries that I had before the A--hoping that his drive back is okay, hoping that his truck doesn't break down, hoping that he doesn't get sick, etc.  But seriously, did he ask himself these questions when he chose to go out and sleep around, then contract an STD and give to me? Did he ask himself what he was leaving behind for his wife and kids as he planned to move so far away from us?  Did he question the events in their lives that he is going to miss out on? Did he question the devastion that they will face, especially once he has left?  Does he think about the possible repercussions our daughter's life will have now that our daughter has seen pictures of him and the OW together, holding hands and cuddling, knowing that he did this while her mom and dad were still married?  And does he even realize that there will only be one person now to help them work through this (me)?   Obviously not.  SO why am I still so worried about his well being?   Because I am a different person than he is.  Period. 

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

That\'s right girl! Where I am (at this point) I don\'t even care anymore about what he did to ME. It\'s the fact he didn\'t have enough respect for our children and their futures to keep it in his pants. Absolutely disgusting.

You are a very strong woman, and you\'ve already made it through so much. It\'s baby steps in the beginning....and with time, those steps will become leaps and bounds. We are fortunate that we have children. They force us to keep strong, huh?

Keep that head up hun!
Lstecker
Lstecker

I think you have shown a level of compassion here and to those you love that just can\'t be turned off like some switch. Those lingering feelings of concern and caring are still going to be there for some time, honey. Face it, he was your life for some time and your world for a long time also. It takes time for the those feelings to go away, if they ever really do.

Just because you love him does not make him, and his choices, good for you.

I don\'t think he is making a good move with uprooting himself that far away from you and his kids. Is he trying to run away from everything? Is this his idea of a fresh start or simply not facing what he has done?

Sending you some support, L~
heartbrokenitexas
heartbrokenitexas

I really do think that\'s his way to run, to escape. But I don\'t know how he can possibly run, all but giving up these awesome kids that so much adore him? Earlier today, he texted my son and said that he would be home by six. Here it is now 8:30. And of course, he hasn\'t shown. My son has tried to call, but it is going straight to my H\'s voicemail. All evening, they\'ve been asking me when daddy is going to be back, and I don\'t know what to tell them.

No longer am I angry about what he has put me through. I know that I will survive. I know my kids are worried about him right now, but other than that, I am quite content. Right now, the smells of hot chocolate and peppermint are flowing through my house from our evening treat, the laundry\'s all done, we\'ve had a very fun weekend. And best of all, I am wearing a pair of jeans that I not only used to have to lay down to zip up, but now I can pull them off without even unbuttoning them! Ah, I always have to look on the positive side...