Still too much Trazadone
Last night I took one and a half pills of trazadone, thinking it would help me wake up in the morning. Well, it didn't. I took it last night and fell asleep pretty quickly, but then woke up at 1am with a pressing need to take out the trash. I didn't do it before I went to sleep, and it was bugging me. Finally at 1:30am I went out and took out the trash and cleaned the litter box. I finally fell back asleep around 2. I had to take klonopin to get back to sleep. Then, this morning when I woke up I felt like pure and utter crap. I just couldn't make it into work again. I feel so ashamed of myself, not being able to go to work, but there was nothing I could do. Coffee wouldn't do anything, not even Cuban coffee. Cuban coffee is super strong, but when my body is on trazadone and wants sleep, nothing is going to stop me from sleeping. When I woke up at noon feeling like crap, I knew I wasn't going to make it in. I lay back down and took a klonopin to make me go to sleep faster. I knew I was going to fall asleep, I just didn't know when, so I took the klonopin.
I've decided that I'm going to wait until the next round of jobs come up to apply. I'm not stable enough yet for a job. I don't know when I'm going to be stable enough, but I hope it's soon. I thought I was, but with everything going on in my life right now it's not a good idea. I don't know how the health of my family is, and everything is going crazy. My mom either has early onset Parkinson's or MS, my stepdad had a stroke, people are dying all over the place... it's just not a stable time for me. I don't want to have to miss days because of funerals and all that. I'm worried that my mom and my stepdad might die, and I know that my moms mother in law is going to die soon and I want to be able to go to her funeral. Hopefully by the time another job opens up I will be over this. My mom will be better, and my stepdad will be on his way to recovery too.
I didn't have to take any Vicodin today, which was good. I'm just on basic Tylenol now. My tooth hole hasn't hurt that much, only when I'm eating and get something stuck in it. I've been trying to chew on the good side of my mouth, but it doesn't always work. I'm constantly having to clear out the hole with my tongue to get food particles out of it. It doesn't help that my gums are ripped apart and you can see my jawbone on one side. I know that's not good, but I haven't had the energy to go to the dentist and get it checked. I just stay in bed all day and then cook dinner. I'm getting closer and closer to my Nana's death hitting me... I was rocking back and forth in bed this afternoon, trying to get it to hit me since it was so close. But it was in vain. I still think I can call her anytime, and that she's going to be there for me when I need her. I don't know what else I need to do to make it real. I feel like I'm living in dreamland and that there is no way out.
Mood today was okay... Geo and I were laughing at stuff online again today, and that was nice. It helps that he has his tablet and I have my laptop. He can look up stuff on his tablet and I can look up stuff on my laptop and then share it with the other person. He's been sleeping a lot lately, partially since he's sick and I think partially because he's depressed. I don't know if he has run out of Prozac or not, but I know he needs to go see the doctor soon. I should make him an appointment tomorrow. I need to start getting out of the house. I'm not doing anything all day but sleeping, and that's bad. I just feel like if I wake up at 3, then there's no use for me to go into the office since by the time they find stuff for me to do I have to leave. I maybe can stop by the Information Desk instead. I don't know.
Food today was okay... I was under my calories again. That's what you get when you sleep all day. I didn't eat lunch, and we are running out of stuff for lunch anyway. I hope we can get the truck soon so we can get some more food. I made 2 cans of corn with dinner tonight since I was starving and I ate a whole can of corn. I also had my normal half chicken breast with barbecue sauce. Breakfast was my usual mini bagel with peanut butter. I didn't put jelly on my bagel today because then I have to open my mouth wider, and my jaw is stretched to the limit. I did have a fiber bar and a soda for a snack since I needed my fiber and to wake up. Still, it wasn't enough to meet my calorie goals. I'm hungry, but I don't know what to eat. I'm scared if I eat more I'll barf, so I guess I will just stay hungry.
I've decided that I'm going to wait until the next round of jobs come up to apply. I'm not stable enough yet for a job. I don't know when I'm going to be stable enough, but I hope it's soon. I thought I was, but with everything going on in my life right now it's not a good idea. I don't know how the health of my family is, and everything is going crazy. My mom either has early onset Parkinson's or MS, my stepdad had a stroke, people are dying all over the place... it's just not a stable time for me. I don't want to have to miss days because of funerals and all that. I'm worried that my mom and my stepdad might die, and I know that my moms mother in law is going to die soon and I want to be able to go to her funeral. Hopefully by the time another job opens up I will be over this. My mom will be better, and my stepdad will be on his way to recovery too.
I didn't have to take any Vicodin today, which was good. I'm just on basic Tylenol now. My tooth hole hasn't hurt that much, only when I'm eating and get something stuck in it. I've been trying to chew on the good side of my mouth, but it doesn't always work. I'm constantly having to clear out the hole with my tongue to get food particles out of it. It doesn't help that my gums are ripped apart and you can see my jawbone on one side. I know that's not good, but I haven't had the energy to go to the dentist and get it checked. I just stay in bed all day and then cook dinner. I'm getting closer and closer to my Nana's death hitting me... I was rocking back and forth in bed this afternoon, trying to get it to hit me since it was so close. But it was in vain. I still think I can call her anytime, and that she's going to be there for me when I need her. I don't know what else I need to do to make it real. I feel like I'm living in dreamland and that there is no way out.
Mood today was okay... Geo and I were laughing at stuff online again today, and that was nice. It helps that he has his tablet and I have my laptop. He can look up stuff on his tablet and I can look up stuff on my laptop and then share it with the other person. He's been sleeping a lot lately, partially since he's sick and I think partially because he's depressed. I don't know if he has run out of Prozac or not, but I know he needs to go see the doctor soon. I should make him an appointment tomorrow. I need to start getting out of the house. I'm not doing anything all day but sleeping, and that's bad. I just feel like if I wake up at 3, then there's no use for me to go into the office since by the time they find stuff for me to do I have to leave. I maybe can stop by the Information Desk instead. I don't know.
Food today was okay... I was under my calories again. That's what you get when you sleep all day. I didn't eat lunch, and we are running out of stuff for lunch anyway. I hope we can get the truck soon so we can get some more food. I made 2 cans of corn with dinner tonight since I was starving and I ate a whole can of corn. I also had my normal half chicken breast with barbecue sauce. Breakfast was my usual mini bagel with peanut butter. I didn't put jelly on my bagel today because then I have to open my mouth wider, and my jaw is stretched to the limit. I did have a fiber bar and a soda for a snack since I needed my fiber and to wake up. Still, it wasn't enough to meet my calorie goals. I'm hungry, but I don't know what to eat. I'm scared if I eat more I'll barf, so I guess I will just stay hungry.
Replies
Wow the Trazadone problems really hit home to me... my son with the traumatic brain injury has to take that stuff to help him sleep....hes on 300mg and wow it just totally messes up his sleep patterns. He gets to sleep ok but then seems to have trouble staying asleep like is up wondering the house at 3 or 4 am ... then has to sleep till noon just to be able to wake up, and even then he still seems out of it.
I know how bad you want to get back to work but i wouldnt even focus on that at the moment all these emotionally difficult situations that are hitting you right now is soooo hard. You are doing the very best you can! I hope the problems with your jaw heals soon so you can start getting good nutrition its so important to be able to deal with all the difficult situations your family is facing right now... i know i have no room to talk cause i dont do very well with it but i know it is important.
i have been on trazadone for a long time and it doesnt affect me anymore like it is you.i actually cant remember its been so long now. i hope it settles in your body and you can adjust back to your sleeping patterns. one question, did your doctor say to use klonopin to help you sleep? i dont mean to be intrusive, it is just that i worry about the usage, i take it also but it is for my severe anxiexty. i agree with goodtogo, going to work right now isnt so good for you, you are dealing with so much, familyissues are so difficult and draining, both physically and emotionally. as far as nana\'s death hitting you, peters death was very difficult and i can relate to what you say. i was in deep grief, cried all the time but yet i waited for the phone to ring, peter calling me from work like he always did. i couldnt say he died, it took me many months and i still felt married for almost a year. i guess what i am trying to say is that there is no time table for grief and when it will hit home and then find your way to deal with it all. know that i am here for you with support.