Still the baggage
Well its been years since I have been on this site.
Have I moved on. Sort of. It hasn't been easy. H will not let go. I successfully got him out of NZ in 2010. Unfortunately back then I thought it was good I didn't press charges, but now.... now I wish I had.
I carried on correspondence with him for another year. Me phoning him to listen to his rants about how bad it all was back in the States, what was I going to do about it, why wasn't i selling my house and getting me and our daughter over there.
Hmmm lets see, he moved in with an ex of his a couple of months upon arriving back in GA. They were sleeping together but man were they both messed up. I was too since I continued to phone him.
I cut off contact once but then his ex (I guess now new girlfriend, or temp girlfriend till I got there) and his aunt rang me begging me to phone him as he was "dying", going to commit suicide etc.
So I contacted again. But this time only emails (I was getting stronger). I'd send vague short sentences, and in return I got pages of blurb. Controlling blurb. It was like having him here in person prattling on like it was when he was here. But I was getting smarter, I could see the blurb for what it was, controlling, manipulative, etc.
I saw a counselor and she was great. She said he was Narcissistic Psychopath. I did so well. So I cut communication off again and this time I stuck it out.
In 2014 I filed for divorce here in NZ to him in the States. He was never going to file. I was soooo nervous. As I own my own house and contents etc, in NZ if you divorce, your ex is entitled to half your assets, I risked him going for half of all I own.
Given he had nothing when he met me, and still nothing now, I was exposing myself. But I had hoped he wouldn't progress but just go away. WRONG. While he did write some incoherent ramblings to the NZ court about how the divorce should not happen, and how I should be made to come over there to sort out our issues or that he should have our daughter so I could know what it is like not to have her, he had now also filed for half my assets.
I am so emotionally up and down at the moment. How can it be fair that I endured his crap, too scared to get out because of him, and the NZ law says "half the assets".
i am fighting this but I haven't found any case out there which is similar to mine. Wife works, wife looks after house doing all the chores while husband is lord of the manor and plays xbox all day and verbally/physically abuses wife. And for that, he gets half of everything. I could lose the house.
I have to provide him a copy of all my assets and the details of those assets. Talk about feeding information to a controlling abuser. Served on a golden platter. He'll know what I have done on the house, he'll know how I am doing financially. Its scary.
As he has never paid child support, we could take that off the amount he will get from me, but because he hasn't worked he will just need to pay the minimum which is $70 per month. A pittance.
Anyone out there been down this road before or knows of anyone in this situation? I have a lawyer but he's telling me not to worry at this stage since its only the start. I cant sit back, I want to know what my future holds for me and my daughter. And from what I see, its not looking good. It feels like I will never be free from him.
And worse to come, by handing him over a substantial amount of money (more than he has had in his life), will allow him to take me to court for access rights to our daughter. And while it should be minimum, the court here in NZ like to ensure the child has contact with the parents. so he could end up with phone calls. What damage is he going to cause? And of course he will be looking for anything to take me to child services for "child abuse".
I'll never be free and I wont be able to protect my daughter from him........that's how it feels right now
Have I moved on. Sort of. It hasn't been easy. H will not let go. I successfully got him out of NZ in 2010. Unfortunately back then I thought it was good I didn't press charges, but now.... now I wish I had.
I carried on correspondence with him for another year. Me phoning him to listen to his rants about how bad it all was back in the States, what was I going to do about it, why wasn't i selling my house and getting me and our daughter over there.
Hmmm lets see, he moved in with an ex of his a couple of months upon arriving back in GA. They were sleeping together but man were they both messed up. I was too since I continued to phone him.
I cut off contact once but then his ex (I guess now new girlfriend, or temp girlfriend till I got there) and his aunt rang me begging me to phone him as he was "dying", going to commit suicide etc.
So I contacted again. But this time only emails (I was getting stronger). I'd send vague short sentences, and in return I got pages of blurb. Controlling blurb. It was like having him here in person prattling on like it was when he was here. But I was getting smarter, I could see the blurb for what it was, controlling, manipulative, etc.
I saw a counselor and she was great. She said he was Narcissistic Psychopath. I did so well. So I cut communication off again and this time I stuck it out.
In 2014 I filed for divorce here in NZ to him in the States. He was never going to file. I was soooo nervous. As I own my own house and contents etc, in NZ if you divorce, your ex is entitled to half your assets, I risked him going for half of all I own.
Given he had nothing when he met me, and still nothing now, I was exposing myself. But I had hoped he wouldn't progress but just go away. WRONG. While he did write some incoherent ramblings to the NZ court about how the divorce should not happen, and how I should be made to come over there to sort out our issues or that he should have our daughter so I could know what it is like not to have her, he had now also filed for half my assets.
I am so emotionally up and down at the moment. How can it be fair that I endured his crap, too scared to get out because of him, and the NZ law says "half the assets".
i am fighting this but I haven't found any case out there which is similar to mine. Wife works, wife looks after house doing all the chores while husband is lord of the manor and plays xbox all day and verbally/physically abuses wife. And for that, he gets half of everything. I could lose the house.
I have to provide him a copy of all my assets and the details of those assets. Talk about feeding information to a controlling abuser. Served on a golden platter. He'll know what I have done on the house, he'll know how I am doing financially. Its scary.
As he has never paid child support, we could take that off the amount he will get from me, but because he hasn't worked he will just need to pay the minimum which is $70 per month. A pittance.
Anyone out there been down this road before or knows of anyone in this situation? I have a lawyer but he's telling me not to worry at this stage since its only the start. I cant sit back, I want to know what my future holds for me and my daughter. And from what I see, its not looking good. It feels like I will never be free from him.
And worse to come, by handing him over a substantial amount of money (more than he has had in his life), will allow him to take me to court for access rights to our daughter. And while it should be minimum, the court here in NZ like to ensure the child has contact with the parents. so he could end up with phone calls. What damage is he going to cause? And of course he will be looking for anything to take me to child services for "child abuse".
I'll never be free and I wont be able to protect my daughter from him........that's how it feels right now
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