Still Takeing It One Day At A Time

Well,its been awhile since I have written in my journal so I thought it was time.I used to love to write but for some reason I just havent found the time.Or maybe it was couldnt find the energy.lol.Days seem to flying by quickly but I never get anything I need to or want to get done.I have been suffering with extreme back pain that used to just travel down both legs but more recently have started going down both arms.Makes it rather hard to accomplish much of anything.I cannot sleep.My body is exhausted but my brain is on over load..I have been staying up at night ,unable to sleep.Sleep usually comes at about 6:00am after the kids leave for school. Then I do not sleep steady.Usually up every couple of hours,in and out of dreams that make no sense.Nothing really ever makes sense even in every day life.By the time I am awake and ready to start my day everyone else is getting ready for bed.I really wish i could get on some normal schedule and enjoy the day life a little more,especially with summer comeing soon.I seem to sit and think alot,makeing goals and hopes for myself but never following through...i have a strange desire to get things in order in the event of my death.Ever since my car accident and then haveing to deal with several deaths in the past four years ,makeing sure things are set seem to be one of my top priorities.From fileing for the life insurance ,planning my decision not to have a funeral and where I want to be buried.All these things people can not understand why I need to talk about these issues but I do ......My husband picks on me and says he will do whatever he wants with me when I die because I wont be able to do anything about it,he went as far as telling me the cemetery he thought I wanted to be in and I was so panicked because that would have been the last place I would have wanted to be I couldnt sleep for two days. So, I have decided to make all my arrangements now.I have always taken care of all the desicions concerning me and my family that planning my own death arrangements ahead of time would only make sense.I just have the feeling that I will not be here another 40 years and I will not relax until this planning is done whether my husband wants to listen or discuss this or not.Well, enough on that subject....I have really missed being on Ds.I used to spend hours every day here..So many people have came and went that I talked to and that is very sad because some people I thought that we were really close but I guess thier lives took them in other directions. Since I have maintained some very special friendships and even gained some new.I am very very thankful for DS and the wonderful people who have touched my life.I have never known such love,compation,support,friendship and family until I found DS..Well, until next time.....Have A Great Night dear friends & many many hugs xoxoxoxo