STILL STUCK!
Mon. Night-Late: I am so frustrated! I cannot seem to get over this huge hump! I have been so sad, so meloncholy, so BLAH! I try to count my blessings. I really do have many. But, they seem to pale in comparison to losing Scott. I just can't quit thinking about what if I had gone in when I heard that "funny" breath. More EMDR for me, I think. Mother's Day was awful. Adam is still housesitting, although he called. Chris came over for dinner, and Craig even gave me a card. Still.... I went to the cemetery. That didn't help much, either. One of Scott's ex-girlfriends sent me an E-Card for Mother's Day. That was nice since we have not always gotten along so well. Tonight one of his best friends came to visit. That was also nice. I only have a couple of weeks left at school until a 2 1/2 month break is here! I am looking forward to that. I am glad I will not be working on June 17th! Adam comes home tomorrow/today. I am glad. The house has been too clean and quiet. He has also missed home. I am having a hard time with sleep again/still. I just can't when I should. Then when I shouldn't... I came home from work today thinking I would nap for an hour. I slept 4! Now, I need to go to bed and sleep is just not there. Maybe soon! I am going to try after I write this. I just feel so crazy, all the time! Nothing is normal anymore. I hated Scott's addiction but at least he was alive and it, sadly, had become my normal. Oh, had I known, last year, that 1 1/2 months down the road I would lose him! It makes me sick! Peaceful wishes to everyone reading this and those who are not. Thank all of you for your support and please know even when I am not in contact with you, I am thinking of you.
Replies
Ginger -- I\'m beginning to think that we will have these bumps in the road for a very long time. Mother\'s Day did me in as well and I\'m still trying to recover from it. I pray that the time off from school will give you a chance to get some rest, do some healing and take care of you. Walking with you, sweetie. Adrianne
Oh Ginger, your description of how you feel describes me as well. I thought it was just the dread of Mother\'s Day that was taking me so low. Now I\'m not sure that was it at all. Maybe it\'s just that we are getting so close to the anniversary of losing our boys. Whatever it is we are ther together. Sending you love and hugs, Cyn
I\'m so sorry your feeling bad I have alot of thoughts of Justin it\'s been 13 months and I still feel the same.What a life we have now.I just try to stay busy it helps alot but some days nothing helps.I\'m thinking of you.jfm24,Vicki
I was touched by the fact that your sons girlfriend sent you the card. It is so nice when one of our childrens friends stays in touch with you like that. I did a 20 mile walk for hunger with my sons best friend on May 4th and it was so great to talk about Mike again.
It is a hump...but it is just that...and soon you will come down the other side. For how long will you have the down? No clue...just like we never know how long the hump will be... The good news...it will come and...it will go...you can do this Ginger...no doubt...may not like it...you may hate it...but you can do this...love to you...Karen
Ginger you sound like me or me like you. I think this holes are always going to be with us. We just have to scramble around tell we can get a hold on the edge and pull ourselves out. As this month rolls on I\'m having the worst time trying to find positives or blessings even though I am well aware there are many. Why this year is so hard I just don\'t understand. Try to let go of the if only, they do not help except to drive us to the place with the really long sleeved jackets that do up in the back. Maybe the school break will be the pick up you need. I just refuse to work on May 28 or June 27, I just need those days by myself to be with my loss and my son at his resting place. Hopefully you will see the sun begin to break for in your life. Love and hugs cathy
Ginger,I understand Sometime I toss and turn all night its like I cant turn my brain off,Iam glad your not working this summer you need some down time,take care of yourself
love u Caroline
In a word...Normal. Sorry you are feeling blah, we seem to have these lows. I try to do something nice for myself when I have these or I just take time for me. Sometimes I think it\'s our angels telling us to slow down and take some me time. Enjoy your summer off, take care. Love and Hugs.
Ginger I am so sorry you are feeling yuk. It is so hard at the holidays and it is hard to put the what if\'s. Please don\'t be so hard on yourself. Honey you were a good mom and Scott knew it. He still knows it. He loves you and I am wrapping my arms tight around you. I am here for you. love sheri