STILL STUCK!

Mon. Night-Late: I am so frustrated!  I cannot seem to get over this huge hump!  I have been so sad, so meloncholy, so BLAH!  I try to count my blessings.  I really do have many.  But, they seem to pale in comparison to losing Scott.  I just can't quit thinking about what if I had gone in when I heard that "funny" breath.  More EMDR for me, I think.  Mother's Day was awful.  Adam is still housesitting, although he called.  Chris came over for dinner, and Craig even gave me a card.  Still....  I went to the cemetery.  That didn't help much, either.  One of Scott's ex-girlfriends sent me an E-Card for Mother's Day.  That was nice since we have not always gotten along so well.  Tonight one of his best friends came to visit.  That was also nice.  I only have a couple of weeks left at school until a 2 1/2 month break is here!  I am looking forward to that.  I am glad I will not be working on June 17th!  Adam comes home tomorrow/today.  I am glad.  The house has been too clean and quiet.  He has also missed home.  I am having a hard time with sleep again/still.  I just can't when I should.  Then when I shouldn't...  I came home from work today thinking I would nap for an hour.  I slept 4!  Now, I need to go to bed and sleep is just not there.  Maybe soon!  I am going to try after I write this.  I just feel so crazy, all the time!  Nothing is normal anymore.  I hated Scott's addiction but at least he was alive and it, sadly, had become my normal.  Oh, had I known, last year, that 1 1/2 months down the road I would lose him!  It makes me sick!  Peaceful wishes to everyone reading this and those who are not.  Thank all of you for your support and please know even when I am not in contact with you, I am thinking of you.