Still rambling
Well today is not better than yesterday and I don't want to complain but I don't want to hold my feelings inside of my brain. They would take up too much space, time and energy.
Let's start with I need more structure, in all aspects of my life. I feel that I am sometimes out of control. I am just EXSISTING, not really serving a purpose. What is my next "course of action"? So I'm in school, I'm 39, I'm single, I'm a mother, I'm African American, I'm slightly overweight, I have acne, I'm growing dreadlocks (locs), I am Christian, I'm employed, I'm a sister, I'm a friend, I'm sad, I do not want this to be organized, I try to hard to be perfect, I'm shy, I'm boring, I'm excited, I'm always thinking, I worry a lot, I need to get more sleep, I need to exercise, I like to have good slow hot stimulating sex, I have IBS, I have a sexual transmitted disease, I'm Bipolar w/ no meds, I talk too much, I don't listen a lot, I am constantly learning, I love myself, I love my children and family, I constantly think about my parenting skills, I know that I need help, I am comfortable asking for help, I am expressive, I am mean and coldhearted, I like to laugh, I am almost always crying, I have high blood pressure, I think of my Mother everyday and wonder where is her soul and is she happy(idk), I want to be married, I want a partner in life, I want to be a better person, I am not sure how to be a better person, I need to make more time for me and allow others to get close to me, I am learning how to heal, I hope I am learning it correctly, I like to masturbate when I cannot sleep and it helps clear my skin, I wish I had a big booty(ghetto), I like to drink wine, I like to smoke but I quit almost 8 weeks ago again, I need to read my Bible more, I want to move, I want another job, I don't want to work anymore, I want the finer things in life, I don't want to struggle with my bills, I don't want to feel guilt spending my inheritance, I need to make an appointment with a therapist, I want my best friend to live, I need to join my sister's church, I want to create a will, I don't want to give up on my dating life or romantic life, I want happiness and joy, I am sad and depressed about the little things that I can not see the big joyful things. My son was shot and he lived and John's nephew was shot and he died. I am sad for him and my son, I am confused why one lived and one died,
I like this.... it was helpful for me to understand that "I" can help myself but I need to organize my thoughts.
Let's start with I need more structure, in all aspects of my life. I feel that I am sometimes out of control. I am just EXSISTING, not really serving a purpose. What is my next "course of action"? So I'm in school, I'm 39, I'm single, I'm a mother, I'm African American, I'm slightly overweight, I have acne, I'm growing dreadlocks (locs), I am Christian, I'm employed, I'm a sister, I'm a friend, I'm sad, I do not want this to be organized, I try to hard to be perfect, I'm shy, I'm boring, I'm excited, I'm always thinking, I worry a lot, I need to get more sleep, I need to exercise, I like to have good slow hot stimulating sex, I have IBS, I have a sexual transmitted disease, I'm Bipolar w/ no meds, I talk too much, I don't listen a lot, I am constantly learning, I love myself, I love my children and family, I constantly think about my parenting skills, I know that I need help, I am comfortable asking for help, I am expressive, I am mean and coldhearted, I like to laugh, I am almost always crying, I have high blood pressure, I think of my Mother everyday and wonder where is her soul and is she happy(idk), I want to be married, I want a partner in life, I want to be a better person, I am not sure how to be a better person, I need to make more time for me and allow others to get close to me, I am learning how to heal, I hope I am learning it correctly, I like to masturbate when I cannot sleep and it helps clear my skin, I wish I had a big booty(ghetto), I like to drink wine, I like to smoke but I quit almost 8 weeks ago again, I need to read my Bible more, I want to move, I want another job, I don't want to work anymore, I want the finer things in life, I don't want to struggle with my bills, I don't want to feel guilt spending my inheritance, I need to make an appointment with a therapist, I want my best friend to live, I need to join my sister's church, I want to create a will, I don't want to give up on my dating life or romantic life, I want happiness and joy, I am sad and depressed about the little things that I can not see the big joyful things. My son was shot and he lived and John's nephew was shot and he died. I am sad for him and my son, I am confused why one lived and one died,
I like this.... it was helpful for me to understand that "I" can help myself but I need to organize my thoughts.
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