still not sure. plus, "my mods speak for me"

still not sure. i continue to wish he would tat or pierce himself. i wish he wouldnt always be joking around. hes not serious enough for me. its always a fucking joke or put-down. good-natured, for sure. but *i* can only take so much... he just may be *too* average for me... i showed him the pic of christophe with the freshly cut joker smile, and he didnt understand. if one doesnt understand, then theres never any explaining. that really breaks my heart. i feel like he would never understand my blood fetish, and NEVER indulge in it with/for me. ive already brought up my interest in play-piercing, and again, he doesnt understand. how important are those things to me? is that a sacrifice i'm willing to make? i dont think so..... even when i want to ask him about or talk to him about serious stuff, he's always joking about it, or making his snide remarks. again, for me, it's too much, too often. i always feel i have a guard up around him, simply because I DONT WANT TO HEAR THOSE COMMENTS. or i always feel i have to come right back at him with something of the like. and it's just not me, not ALL the time.. its like, he doesnt know how to communicate any other way. its very disappointing.

"My mods speak for me"
from Christophe Clairet's FB