Still not sure

Had a good day today. Slept in until around 12:30, that's not like me. Feel good tho. Still have things bothering my mind about a friend. Kinda talking a lot of nonsense lately, and I'm not sure what to think of it. Don't really know why. I don't think I gave any reason for them to lie to me, but I have this gut feeling that they are. I would really much rather hear the truth. Lieing is really a bad way to lose trust. I mostly try to be honest. Sometimes I have a problem with it, because I don't want to hurt people. I suppose this affects them too to some degree. I do get honest eventually, but it sometimes takes a little while. Mostly I lie because I don't want to lose the friendship. This has happened in the past, even tho people say they want the truth. I find that when you are very truthfull, especially when it comes to relapsing, people turn away from me. So I do have a fear around that. Otherwise, I make an honest effort to always be truthfull.. This paticular person, I have really held in high regard for some time, but this situation is really bothering me, and I'm not sure how to deal with it. Do you just let them go, and move on?. I care very much about them, but without the honesty... well I just don't know. God, please help me with this. Thank you.